Elizabeth Gurdus

i just said at work “i’m not a Trekkie but i am a Shrekie” and someone from another team went “do you ever wanna unhear something”

RT @CNBCClosingBell: Is it time to position your portfolio more defensively?

whenever i walk past the doorman to a nice building i smile and say a little hello like i’m going to convince them i’m a regular

me, the drama, walking around a large group of tourists: I’M NOT GOING TO BREAK A FAMILY APART

as an empath, i keep all my socks that are missing a pair

trust issue catalyst #347: products that say “No Added Sugar!” yet are exponentially sweeter than actual sugar

imagine sitting with good posture for an entire manicure

someone to a duane reade employee at 7:24am: “time is an illusion”

one from the archives… The Gang Gets Covid: Dennis checks himself into a hospital to hit on patients; Dee purposely catches it to seem more authentic in auditions; Mac destroys every Corona in the bar; Charlie self-quarantines and writes a song; Frank claims natural immunity

if i’m happiest in the morning does that mean capitalism is winning?

i have so little going on i’m actually considering not clicking “Remind me Tomorrow” on my Mac update notification

reservations are now an extreme sport

you ever put on three weeks’ worth of moisturizer in one night just to make up for lost time?

Humanity has gotten far. Just not far enough to not have to push the faucet down when washing your hands in an airplane bathroom

New York City is really just 8 million people trying to look casually cool in front of each other