Matt Bearden

RT @Ruth_A_Buzzi: An extra hour in 2024 is like a free bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.

How many Ohio State fans just switched to Kamala?!? https://t.co/QGlsTzYiYv

Just voted. They were out of I Voted stickers. “Sorry. We already ran out.” Actually v ok with that.

“Do not obey in advance”

I love anything at Goober McCruz’s expense

David Weigel @daveweigel

A new Ted Cruz/Homer Simpson meme from the Natural Resources Defense Council, aimed at millennial men in Houston and Dallas: https://t.co/2Lpoiq2ToU

RT @thejoelstein: My Washington Post column about the worst app I've ever used. Including iFrenchKiss, which I'm pretty sure started monkey…

Next level tweet

ettingermentum @ettingermentum

A second black Nazi has hit the GOP

Solution: Make. Everything. @HEB.

Catherine Rampell @crampell

More Americans give a negative (47%) than positive (33%) rating of the grocery industry, the first time that has happened since Gallup began asking about views of the industry two decades ago. https://t.co/gc22l12DXw https://t.co/5bEBMt3XGP

I buy all my gold from the woman who once yelled “don’t come in my ear” on a hot mic https://t.co/L7qZ3t26ZB

“Our ideas are so mid no new citizen would vote for them” is a weird flex https://t.co/RO96AQlM4w

Well my name is Elon and I’m here to say Funky rhymin’s how I spend my day! https://t.co/SbnTRpdApe

RT @garonnevik: A few years ago, a town about 30 minutes from us had a huge number of Somalian immigrants move in. I don't know how it came…

PLEASE DONT EAT MY DOG

RT @Mar__G_3: This wording is criminal and the writer should be arrested, WHAT IS THIS https://t.co/1tckpzHNge

about to cook Labor Day feast but first need to know if @KellyWillisKW is safe from that bug?

It’s brutal snaps week here on twitter

The Onion @TheOnion

‘New York Times’ Announces New Columnist Will Contribute Nothing To Society 3 Times A Week https://t.co/fPejbOtf0G

Hey @foxnews. Any chance you can teach your staff about autism so they don’t keep shitting on so many American families? Thanks, bros. https://t.co/21DcjctOF1