Pete Melfi

I just heard someone say that Florida is the hunger games of the United States and I’ve never agreed with anything more

Y’all better plan to have them kids around until they’re in their 30’s. How can we expect anyone out of HS to make enough money to pay 2,700/mo for rent?

Magic Johnson is actually the best male pornstar name possible and no one ever pointed that out.

Here’s how I know we’re in a simulation. There is a man that has had so much sex that he got AIDS. Then he miraculously beat AIDS. His name literally sums up everything he’s known for. Magic… Johnson 🤯

I have more memes in my camera roll than pictures of actual things…

Best financial advice ever https://t.co/3eMFiUcJ7U

If she can talk to herself for hours she’s certifiably crazy. Maybe cheating was his only way out 🤷‍♂️

I hung around a lot of older people as a kid. I’ll never forget the time when I was 9, and saw a guy look at a picture and say “damn that looks like an unkept vagina.” No clue to this day what he was looking at, but the term unkept vagina will never leave my brain

Oh wow 😳 https://t.co/qw0f6eiW6E

Apparently I’m the only Pete Melfi on Twitter

There’s a problem with me… https://t.co/4efUEsvJKX

Get that money then https://t.co/fQ8rpVoWGt

I want my profile song 😂 https://t.co/5H19OQqW8m

RT @elonmusk: Comedy is now legal on Twitter

https://t.co/IN3kIebWlO

I can post this here now, right?!?! #HappyHalloween #Haloween #haloween2022 https://t.co/9M3K3qycUY

Hello Twitter world… starting from scratch