LILEKS (James)

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The Gallery of Regrettable Food

1 week ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

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Why, exactly, do you deserve a break today?

1 week ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

Wednesday misc & excisions. Removed from the fast-food column:In Fargo we saw McDonald’s commercials years before they came to town. Everyone was keen to try their wares. Worldly kids whose parents took them to The Cities would tell us they’d been there. It was okay. We had our own burger joints - King Leo’s, Henry’s, the Crown - and they were delicious. We didn’t need McDonald’s. Henry’s was a chain.
Joe Ohio

1 week ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

15: the Blue BoarThe boss paused at Joe’s door. “Lunch?”“Uh – sure.” He glanced at his watch. “Now?”“No.” The boss pursed his lips. “Eventually.” He headed down the hall to his desk. Joe couldn’t concentrate for the next hour. This was unusual and could not be good. The Boar was half-empty. The boss took a pale pink tray from the stack and slid it slowly along the chrome rails. “I ever tell you my idea? Square plates?”
The Medium, or lack of it, was the Message

1 week ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

It’s been a year since I’ve been to McDonald’s. In olden times I stopped once a month on the odd day when the family couldn’t convene for a common meal. I would run through the fast-food options in my head: Taco Bell? Love it! But I had that last time I wanted some processed grub. Five Guys? Don’t feel like taking out a home equity loan for a boring burned burger and bag filled with nine pound of fries. Wendy’s?
No one owns their phone

1 week ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

You’ve seen the phone promotions:“Turn in a crude drawing of any phone complete with cracks on the screen, and get the new iPhone 16 Pro Magnum Ultra with a titanium case engraved with your name and studded with shards of ethically-sourced diamonds, and get unlimited talk and text and 56 terabytes of data for only $15 a line!”How?
Gallery of Regrettable Food

2 weeks ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

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The Pitchman's Life

2 weeks ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

There being absolutely nothing more to say about electric toothbrushes, I took nothing out. But I was reminded of my time as a Quip pitchman. I did ads for Quip on a podcast for years, back in the early days of the company, and was happy to do so. Great product, design-wise, and the copy wasn’t too onerous.
Joe Ohio

2 weeks ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

She was standing in the lobby of the Leader building, fishing in her purse. Blue dress, nice pins, black hair, shoulder length, red lipstick. Miss Floodtide from the book-club matchbook, he thought. She slid out a cigarette from a pack of Chesterfields, and lit a match – then the flame stalled. She dropped it and frowned. She struck another: same thing. To the rescue, then. Joe let the elevator go. He took a matchbook from the pocket where he kept his samples. “Trade you?” he said.
The Great Electric Brush Charger Paradigm Shift

2 weeks ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

Good news: my wife found her electric toothbrush. No more tiresome manual labor! She should have electronic servants who buzz and fuss as they buss her gleaming dentition. Better news: she found two of them. Now she could do both sides at once, a real morning time-saver. Or is it? My experience with electric toothbrushes suggest that they lull me into a woolgathering state.
Woof woof, woof. WOOF

2 weeks ago | jameslileks.substack.com | James Lileks

Birch the dog was excited: I had picked up the leash. This meant adventure! Maybe we’d go up to the water tower where the high schoolers hang out and leave bags of lunch trash. He inhaled some chicken bones there last week, and that was awesome! Totally worth the possible peritonitis.