Not the Bee

Not the Bee is a lighthearted news and entertainment website brought to you by the team behind The Babylon Bee and Disrn. True to its name, it showcases a collection of amusing and outrageous real news stories that often feel like they belong in the realm of satire.

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This is a real headline for a real article. Come join me for a laugh.

Dec 4, 2024 | notthebee.com | Lance Armstrong

Are trans women ‘biologically male'? -Yes. The answer is complicated. -No, it's not. But in Clown World everything is complicated, so let's dive into one of the dumbest headlines I've ever seen pop up on this website. Lefties will click this headline and think they're being educated. That's how crazy this world of ours has become. I read the whole article so you didn't have to, and there's honestly not much to unpack.
People were a little upset when this casket with a dead body showed up at a park in Warren, Michigan

Sep 13, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

People were a little upset when this casket with a dead body showed up at a park in Warren, Michigan ยท Sep 13, 2024 ยท NottheBee.com I know Halloween is coming earlier and earlier, but an open casket at the park with an actual dead woman in it? That's taking it a little far.
The U.S. military is running war exercises in Bavaria to simulate fighting Russians in Ukraine ... so that's cool

Sep 11, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

WW3 is so "in" right now!The annual NATO Saber Junction land warfare exercise is being held in Bavaria until September 19th. The joint exercise will have 4,300 troops, mostly from the U.S. (of course) but also include troops from Albania, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Croatia, Georgia, Italy, Lithuania, Montenegro, Moldova, North Macedonia, and the United Kingdom.
Californian fire-safety crew accidentally sparks wildfire that has torched thousands of acres

Sep 11, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

The Airport Fire in Orange County has torched upwards of 8,500 acres so far and is not yet under control. More than 1,400 homes have been evacuated, and thousands of firefighters have been called into active duty to battle the blaze. As for how the blaze started, well, it was reportedly from a crew using heavy equipment to … replace fire barriers:‘The fire has been classified as unintentional,' said Orange County Fire Authority Deputy Chief TJ McGovern.
This concentration camp survivor says she has "started to prepare to die" in prison after being convicted by the Biden-Harris DOJ for protesting abortion

Sep 10, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

I just simply started to prepare to die and have my children sell my house. It became just overwhelming because too much happens in a number of years. You accumulate too many little knick-knacks and memorabilia from the grandchildren and all. So finally I had to give up and say, 'Lord. I just leave it all behind. The children just can take a dumpster and throw away what they don't want and give away what they want to.' And so now I'm free.
Senior enlisted officers installed a Starlink satellite on a warship to feed their internet addiction, putting critical systems at risk

Sep 9, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

Believe it or not, the U.S. Navy does not let sailors use the ship's wifi for scrolling through social media when they're cruising about in undisclosed locations. Something about operational security, mission bandwidth, and avoiding cyber-attacks at sea. But the internet's siren call was too much for the senior enlisted officers of the littoral combat ship USS Manchester, and they dashed themselves against the rocks of a Starlink satellite secretly mounted on top of the ship's weather deck.
Safety Tip: Don’t store loaded guns in your oven like these Virginians did

Sep 9, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

Ever get the late night munchies and decide you're going to make a frozen pizza, but when you preheat the oven, bullets start flying everywhere because you forgot to take your gun out first? Yeah, me neither. But according to the Chesterfield County Fire and EMS Facebook account, something like that happened in Chesterfield, Virginia.
We now have tigers crossing over the southern U.S. border

Sep 9, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

U.S. Border agents are on high alert, looking for a dangerous, illegal migrant from Mexico who escaped from his cell in Reynosa, Tamaulipas, and is believed to have crossed the Rio Grande River into Texas. The suspect, last seen wearing an orange and white fur coat, is roughly 6-10 feet long, and weighs over 500 lbs. He is considered armed and dangerous with razor-sharp teeth and claws. That's right!A few days ago, a Bengal tiger escaped from the Quinta La Fauna Zoo located very near the river.
Senator Josh Hawley says Secret Service training for Trump event was a glitchy online presentation

Sep 7, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

As more details about the assassination attempt on former president Donald Trump come to light, the Secret Service looks worse and worse. Check out this video of Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) detailing his talks with Secret Service whistleblowers:So a lot of the protective agents weren't Secret Service at all, they were Homeland Security Investigations (HSI) agents, and all the training they got for the protective detail was a glitchy Powerpoint presentation.
Behold! The world’s smallest vacuum made from the husk of a ballpoint pen.

Sep 7, 2024 | notthebee.com | Mister Retrops

Indian student Tapala Nadamuni just beat the suckiest world record on the planet and built the world's smallest vacuum. According to Guinness World Records, Nadamuni built his tiny vacuum out of an old ballpoint pen. The vacuum measures 0.65 cm (0.25 in), which is less than the size of your pinkie nail. The previous record was a little more impressive than this one because it was .07 cm bigger than Nadamuni's.