-
1 week ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
You know what I love about this story? Everyone got exactly what they didn’t know they wanted. This fifty-thousand-dollar crystal chair that got destroyed for photos? It’s symbolic of unraveling chaos that can tie itself back up. So there’s this eye surgeon in Italy, Nicola Bolla, who makes art on weekends. His day job is fixing people’s vision. His hobby is making things people can’t see clearly. He’s a marriage counselor who starts fights at dinner parties.
-
1 week ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
So I have my ex-boyfriend’s name tattooed on my ribs and before you give me that look, let me explain the level of chaos that led to this decision because it was
-
2 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
Sabrina Carpenter pulled off the most audacious magic trick of pop culture 2025: she weaponized the male gaze while denying she was using it at all. The sleight of hand was breathtaking: pose on your knees, let a faceless man grip your hair, slap a dog collar title on the whole thing, then watch as half the world argues you’re either a feminist genius or a patriarchal pawn. The real genius wasn’t the image itself but the plausible deniability built right into it.
-
2 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
I was married for seventeen years and then I wasn’t. This wasn’t some tragic tale of betrayal or addiction or finding your husband with the babysitter. It was worse than that. It was the realization that two people can love each other and still dissolve. What I discovered about reframing those seventeen years will either save your marriage or end it. Either way, you’ll thank me. But first, let me tell you exactly what went wrong in mine and how it could have been prevented.
-
2 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
Listen, children of the digital age, let me tell you about a time when human connection wasn’t reduced to algorithmic interactions and dopamine-triggered thumb spasms. Your generation thinks you invented anxiety, but we had to actually work for ours and somehow we were still happier than you are with your infinite entertainment and zero attention spans.
-
2 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
Franny’s being careful after her last breakup. She’s not jumping into bed with anyone. She’s not oversharing childhood trauma on the second date. She’s actually trying to date like a functional adult. Enter Jason, who courts her with handwritten letters. Handwritten letters! In 2025! But we’ve been so beaten down by lovers who communicate exclusively through GIFs that sentences feel romantic. This guy speaks fluent therapy.
-
3 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
I’m not crazy. Here are the facts:Studies show 84% of people report “meaningful coincidences.” The 1998 Weizmann Institute proved observation literally changes quantum reality. Recent neuroscience confirms all perception is “controlled hallucinations” - your brain constructs everything you see. Carl Jung and physicist Wolfgang Pauli spent decades documenting synchronicity. The Journal of Cosmology published papers showing consciousness shapes physical reality. The research exists.
-
3 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
I’ve decided envy is the ugliest human trait, and I say this as someone who’s witnessed people destroy friendships over Instagram stories. It’s self-hatred wearing a concerned face, pretending to be helpful while systematically poisoning everything it touches. Here’s what nobody wants to admit: we attack people for having exactly what we want. The woman who rolls her eyes at her friend’s promotion secretly applies for the same job.
-
3 weeks ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
The world’s richest ketamine user pisses himself from ketamine and somehow this qualified him to run government efficiency. Tech Twitter is melting down because their patron saint just proved you can buy democracy with lunch money while mixing horse tranquilizer with party drugs. Here’s what happened: Musk walked around the White House with a 20-pill organizer like your diabetic uncle, except his pills included ketamine, mushrooms, and Adderall.
-
1 month ago | 
kellyoxford.substack.com | Kelly Oxford
I don't know how to describe it. My brain is a computer. I don’t recognize my body unless I’m with another person. Emotions run wildfire through the circuits, and I've learned not to engage with the sparks. Real life scenarios require a minimum 48-hour processing period before I can make sense of what happened. Television, music, books became my natural habitat early. My mother taught me to read at three because her intuition said I was ready. She was right.