Sort Yourself Out!

Articles

A shit poem about living in a nice town in the c'untry

1 week ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

My car got locked inat Hauser + Wirththe gallery where something notable and nice for your wallscosts the earthit sits at the top of a road near my house,my rented council palace,in BrutonAccidental larks with poorly composed pictures (2025) screen grab, liquid crystals and back light. cont…
Bukowski, and Somerset is full of potholes

1 week ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

Interviewer: What do you hold responsible for your success? Bukowski: A brutal childhood, alcohol, half a dozen rotten jobs, a dozen rotten women, plus an overpowering fear of everything, plus a strange arrival of luck and bravery in sub-zero situations. The Mathematics of the Breath and the Way: On Writers and WritingCharles Bukowski is an actually genius at what is called auto-fiction, confessional literature with narrative thread.
RURAL MY ARSE

2 weeks ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

*Please forgive me if you are currently dealing with something worse than having to leave a nice neighbourhood in London to move to a nice neighbourhood in the West Country lite*. In what were my most self-pitying, and yet bold, financially sensible and curious moments, I searched RightMove in Wigan, then Grimsby, even Scunthorpe. It made me feel like I was better off: big house in a nice part of Grimsby for 800 quid. Could work?
The psychosis of magic and mysticism. And the psychedelic promise of cherry blossom.

1 month ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

Access to the locked basement of my mind is £35 a year (or £6.66 a month, ie, £80 a year)Last year I wrote a story about people who have faith and belief that you can access other realms at multiple locations on both the island of Malta and its neighbouring island, Gozo. Malta is a weird place. Churches everywhere, huge churches, more churches per capita than anywhere else on earth. People kept saying, “What do they hide. What are they trying to control.
On falling in love with a German...

1 month ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

I’m moving out of my flat on Thursday. The van comes at nine and my wordly goods will go to Somerset, and my leaden heart will follow in my new motor car. I say new, it’s £2000 quid twenty year old E class Mercedes that I found on eBay and bought from a very nice British Asian gentleman in Wembley at 11pm last Sunday night. The guy was so very nice I figured his car must be nice too. I try not to give advice here, but I’m going to give some for free now.
Writers! Change Your Life with me in France this August.

1 month ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

Announcing my fantasy writing and wining retreat at Chateau de Sacy by the roundabout routeHi! I’m Troy McClure Kate Spicer. You might remember me from such newspaper articles as I'm unmarried and childless at 54!and A horrific WhatsApp ruined my life and at 55 I moved back home to live with my Mum, and I’m unmarried and childless and ate nothing but meat, eggs and dripping and the all time classic I'm 55 and newly diagnosed with ADHD.
When I said I was a meat eater, they told me, "Roast yourself." Cannibalism, fat, mental elf and a writer's dilemma

1 month ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

Have you ever read any of Carrie Fisher’s books? She’s dead now. I read Post Cards from the Edge (1987) when it first came out and I’d just left home. Books don’t really stick in my mind, but this one did. It’s not just the compelling chaos and glamour of her Hollywood life, she writes with grim humour about the the downs and ups of her love life, acting career, weight, mother-daughter relationship and addiction issues. She turns her mental health tragedy in to proper LOLs comedy.
Kate Spicer says Sort Yourself Out

1 month ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

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A woman said, “we couldn’t think of a better guest to have with us on St Patrick’s Day...”

1 month ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

Donald’s special red carpet for shaven-headed, pugilistic pimps and rapists has been worn bare lately what with the Tate brothers and Conor McGregor swaggering around in the President of America’s immediate orbit like they were diplomats or foreign dignitaries instead of your average antediluvian scumbags. In a game of snog, marry, shoot in the head, I’d be hard pushed to choose.
Cordite, toffee and tears

2 months ago | katespicer.substack.com | Kate Spicer

Getting in last night round midnight or thereabouts, I’d have liked to think I was keen to get to my bed. But there were things to do. The dogs had created one of their mess en scene, an epic tableaux having deconstructed the sitting room. Toys and sofa cushions tossed across the floor, a lamp broken, paper torn and thrown everywhere. The dogs had to go out so I clipped on their leads, lit a cigarette and went out to be yanked in two directions.