Allison Raskin

Host at Just Between Us

Writer at Emotional Support Lady

Writer, podcaster, mental heath advocate and relationship coach. My new romcom novel SAVE THE DATE is out now!

Articles

MY FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT MY MOM

1 week ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

My mom had a tradition the night before my birthday. She would stay until midnight in New York—which wasn’t difficult given her aversion to going to bed—and call me at 9 p.m. Pacific time to wish me a happy East Coast birthday. I always made sure I was available for the call and would often wait with the phone in my hand to hear her welcome me, three hours early, into my new year. This Thursday night, my mom won’t be able to keep up our lovely tradition because she is dead.
I DON’T KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO TRUST YOU

2 weeks ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

When I was a teenager, I was walking past the local train station when a man with a briefcase asked if he could borrow money for a ticket. I don’t remember the specifics but I’m sure it had something to do with him losing his wallet. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I not only gave him money I also gave him my address so he could repay me later. When I relayed this story to my parents, they were…pissed. How could I have not seen that this man was clearly lying?
AM I ABOUT TO LOSE MY ENTIRE SENSE OF SELF?

3 weeks ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

Everything is going to change, new parents tell you ominously. The life you knew before, where you prioritized your own well-being, will soon be a thing of the past. Sleep is off the table as is any sense of bodily autonomy for those of us who plan to breastfeed. You will have to adapt to a different version of yourself in order to survive. Fine, I think. I am not that attached to this version of me anyway. In fact, lately, I haven’t been attached to anything at all. This post is for paid subscribers
WHAT IF WE NEVER GET THE LIFE WE WANT?

1 month ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

Back in January, my husband and I had a difficult conversation. We were sitting in my dad’s house in New York, on the same couch where my mother had lost control of her body just a few months before. Perhaps it was this recent loss of my mom that emboldened me to be so direct. John and I were discussing the potential end of our relationship, not skirting around it but looking the possibility right in the face, and yet I felt eerily calm. My life had already turned upside down once.
I’M IN MY AVOIDANCE ERA

1 month ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

“What are you doing for Mother’s Day?”I shouldn’t have been surprised so many people asked me this, with a hint of concern. It was a double whammy of a holiday for me this year. The first May without my mom and the first time I’ve ever been a mom-to-be. I imagine most of my friends thought I’d be an emotional wreck, spending the day sobbing and/or honoring my mother’s unparalleled impact on my life. I did neither.
IS IT TOO SOON TO TELL YOU I’M PREGNANT?

1 month ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

I had my first positive pregnancy test on April 6. The line was so faint, I had a hard time believing it was true. My husband, an innate optimist, immediately started celebrating while I tried to temper my expectations. After all, there are few things less guaranteed than a full-term pregnancy in your mid-30’s. Especially when you’ve recently had a string of life-changing bad things happen to you and are on defense for the next shoe to drop.
THINGS I CAN’T DO ANYMORE

2 months ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

1) I can’t call you out of the blue to ask if something really happened to me or not. You were the holder of family memories while my mind is often blank or obscured with doubt. I’ll never be able to fact-check my personal lore again, which means I will likely lose much of it to time like I have the actual memories. 2) I can’t go on all day shopping trips with you where we scamper from dressing room to dressing room hoping to find new versions of ourselves.
HOW OFTEN SHOULD I TALK ABOUT MY DEAD MOM?

2 months ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

I guested on a podcast the other week and after a wonderful mix of banter and heartfelt advice, I did what many would consider a serious faux pas. I made a shocking and destructive comment about my mother being dead. Even as it was happening, I had a sense I probably shouldn’t do this. It’s one thing to make that kind of joke when I am on my own podcast because my Just Between Us co-hosts already know 1) my mom is dead and 2) I have an affinity for dark jokes.
THE MESSY WORK OF TURNING YOUR REAL LIFE INTO FICTION

2 months ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

When I asked my audiobook director, who is also one of my closest friends, who her favorite character was in my new romcom novel, SAVE THE DATE, she laughed and said it wouldn’t be fair to answer since so many of the characters are based on real people she knows. It felt too rude to say, for instance, that she liked Jackie over Alan because that would imply she liked my sister, Jocelyn, more than my father, Ken. Except…it wouldn’t actually be rude because Jackie and Alan aren’t real.
NOT MAKING MY MOTHER’S MISTAKES

2 months ago | emotionalsupportlady.substack.com | Allison Raskin

For my 35th birthday last June, I decided I wanted to paint some ceramics. So I dragged my parents and husband to Color Me Mine in the middle of the week. The location we went to was on the brink of shutting down and we were the only customers. As we debated what to paint, my mother declared she wasn’t going to partake in what is (strangely) my favorite activity. She said she wasn’t any good at it, so it was better not to try.