Amy Sea

United States

Writer at Medium

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Articles

Old Moms vs. Young Moms

1 month ago | medium.com | Amy Sea

BATTLE OF THE AGESGeriatric benefitsWhen I first became pregnant, the obstetrician, Doctor Schlomberg, set me up with an ultrasound and a subscription to AARP. She referred to my pregnancy as geriatric. After gently patting the radiation jelly off my aging belly, Dr. Schlomberg sent me on my way with an ornate wooden walking cane and an osteovitamin prescription.
Is Everyone Overwhelmed Without Me?

Feb 6, 2025 | medium.com | Amy Sea

SHOCK AND AWEShock is better than BotoxAmy Sea·FollowPublished inContemplate·3 min read·--Waffles and his buddyWhat would I do without my dog, Waffles? No matter what genre of crapola is dumping its sewage onto my world, Waffles remains the sane. Look at you, astute editors. You thought I meant Waffles remains the same, that I made an editorial error because I’m dumb and don’t know words. Not so. I meant Waffles remains the sane. Have you turned on your TV lately?
Don’t Let Your Underwire Stab You

Jan 14, 2025 | aculberg007.medium.com | Amy Sea

TITS OUTBreast Stories is now re-open for submissionsAmy Sea·Follow2 min read·--Canva adaptedDear Breast Writers and Readers,First, I apologize for my hiatus. Sometimes I can only do forty things at once and then my back starts to scream “No more. Stop. Put that down.”Like when you’re wearing a bra that is cutting into your sides. Or when that little wire that hinges together your bra pokes out stabbing your sternum causing you to spend all day pretending you’re not being repeatedly stabbed.
My Son Found Out Why the Referees Should Be Left Alone

Jan 7, 2025 | medium.com | Amy Sea

Raised on TikTok, My Son Is Forced to FocusImportant life lessons learned while keeping score at basketball gamesAmy Sea·FollowPublished inFrazzled·4 min read·--CanvaSince my son made the high school basketball team, his life has become a teenage hero movie. Sexy cheerleaders, free swag, Nike sponsors, applauding masses as he dunks through the high school hallway, the six inches he grows every night from the height vitamins provided by corporate sponsors. Not true.
Why We Need Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift

Sep 25, 2024 | medium.com | Amy Sea

Why We Need Travis Kelce and Taylor SwiftWhat if the co-worker you have a crush on has been in love with you all along? And has been following you home every night to ensure you get home safely? Murdering anyone who comes within five feet of you? Um. Flattering, right? What if the handsome waiter tracks you down from your dinner bill and finally ends up outside your hotel room in Venice?
Have You Tried Calming Down?

Aug 26, 2024 | medium.com | Amy Sea

Have You Tried Calming Down? I learned in school that evolution takes thousands of years. I found that fact disappointing. Humans who lived on mountaintops developed more expansive chest cavities. Wild wolves evolved into stuffed animals humans carried around in Chanel purses. Landlocked dinosaurs grew wings. Cavemen evolved into MBAs who swam in infinity pools. This is why I believed I would always be anxious, jittery, and impatient. Evolution was slow.
You’re Not Fat. You’re in Menopause

Aug 23, 2024 | medium.com | Amy Sea

“I’m exhausted all the time,” my friend Gretchen told me on our morning walk. “My joints hurt. I can’t keep up with other people walking. I’ve gained weight. I think I’m dying.”“You’re not dying,” I said. “You’re 53. You’re either perimenopausal or menopausal. You’ve just listed off the symptoms of menopause, except you forgot brain fog.”“I’ve got that too,” Gretchen said. “I just forgot.”“It’s normal. Talk to your doctor about it.”My doctor says, “I’m fat.
Interpreting Joe Biden’s Face Before and After Kamala Harris Became Candidate

Aug 19, 2024 | muddyum.net | Amy Sea

WE KNOW JOEHalf-empty, half-fullNo matter how you feel about President Joe Biden, he looks a little spaced out. However, since Kamala Harris became the Democratic nominee in his place, his seven-hundred-thousand-mile stare into the abyss might be perceived as nobility. ENTER STAGE LEFTPresident Joe Biden, looking glassy-eyed and wandering. He stops in his tracks, looks around, pivots, looks around some more, and stares out into outer space.
Is Blake Lively Modern Day Philosophy?

Aug 18, 2024 | medium.com | Amy Sea

What is the purpose of fame for the mere mortals? What do we, the infamous, get from leering at the ones who’ve MADE IT? The IT people? The CHOSEN ITS? Is thinking about famous people useless and paddling in the shallow or is there something in there worth searching for? I’ve always been smug about my lack of interest in the British Royals. Harry Schamarry. King Bling. Who cares?
Olympians Take Too Long Making Themselves Pretty in the Locker Room

Aug 1, 2024 | muddyum.net | Amy Sea

HOT STUFF We've come a long way baby, not We've come a long way, baby, or have we? Olympic commentators keep cockblocking female athletes' victories, reminding viewers that female athletes are girls first and athletes, sort of. "Look at that lady tennis player, guys! She does the dishes, mops up, and drives the kids to soccer in her giant SUV that she needs a ladder to step out of. Adorable! What can't she do?