Bill King

Might be late in the season, but here’s your annual reminder that peanut butter is the solution to Christmas tree sap on your hands.

Cherub Rock is top 10 all-time openings to an album. It might be number one, but I don’t wanna piss anyone off

Violating the constitution WITH a copy of the constitution. Can’t make this stuff up. No money for inhalers or universal lunch, but $3 million for Trump bibles… https://t.co/46zss1flIZ

My number one all time favorite player will always be @EricMetcalf21, but man, @amonra_stbrown is probably number 2.

Can @billmaher ever have someone on @RealTimers who pushes back on his “kids these days” whine time nonsense? Old people love blaming shit on the younger generation. I’m sure woolly mammoth-killing cavemen hated the opinions of their kids once irrigation made farming possible.

This is so shameful @ESPNFantasy. Your draft kit rankings are from April, and some of these guys aren't even on the right teams. https://t.co/ZqW3oY8eXJ

Hey @The_Pigeon, my 5-year-old daughter wants to be the next Mo Willems… https://t.co/QVMKd6qd5a

Not sure why Andrew tate is popping up in my feed, but MAN did X take me down a wormhole of blatant anti-semitism (and not the pretend college kind @billmaher whines about). Apparently WWII was a lie and Germany was solving a problem and the gas chambers make no logical sense

Solo parenting 4&1 this (long) weekend, and I reiterate, pre-school age stay at home parents are warriors. Real men see you, know how hard & mindless it can be, and that it’s a partnership. My wife works, but even if she didn’t, I wouldn’t expect to come home and put my feet up.

Why does @YouTube allow political ads on videos for kids? Not sure my 4-year-old needs to hear Trump saying Kamala is letting in murderous immigrants while she’s just trying to watch a Descendants song…

My feed consists of 3 stories: 1) kamala isn’t black 2) opening ceremonies hurt my feelings 3) anti-trans extends to women born women who, by virtue of nature, have physical traits that make them better than other women at whatever sport they are good at. Am I missing anything?

Richard Simmons and Farrah faucett are in heaven going like wtf

Just watched the bachelorette premiere and can’t believe no one else has tweeted about the odd way she said “first and fur-MOST” instead of “first and foremost”

MAXey

Some teams pay $100 million for 3 free agents with a combined age of 60. We spend $60 million for 3 free agents with a combined age of 100. Still…welcome Paul George…LFG #sixers #76ers #NBAFreeAgency

Missed an opportunity @michaelkosta. Should’ve been “did this guy get a 2-for-1 deal at the FLAGA store?”

#TyreseMaxey we love you https://t.co/0SZNJ0rNRJ