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3 weeks ago | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
LOS ANGELES — Vultures are circling above the studio formerly known as Termite Terrace after word spread that Warner Bros. Discovery is demolishing the original Looney Tunes animation bungalow. “Eh-the eh-the eh-the eh-the eh-that’s all really devastating to hear,” said Porky Pig, former studio mascot.
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Jan 17, 2025 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
LANSING, Mich — A woman suffering from osteoarthritis was recently denied the cortisone injections she needed to painlessly pixel hunt around the backdrop of point-and-click adventure games. Having tried over-the-counter acetaminophen, physical therapy, and browsing the forums of AdventureGamers.com, hand brace-clad Louisa Carver still needed help.
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Jun 14, 2024 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
Duluth, Minn. — Mac gamer Juno Perry, one of the few Apple loyalist gamers in the world is looking forward to the game that will be released this year, whatever it may be. Perry discussed her hype in a recent IRL Twitch stream from her local Apple Store. “Whatever it’s going to be, I’ll pre-order it. Ha. I don’t even care. It’s like, give me that game, you know,” laughed Perry, nervously. “Like, I got to have it.
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Jun 3, 2024 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
Writer, Davey Spada, recently hit the Share button on the video game script for his company’s upcoming turn-based roguelike, Cerulean Empire: The Blade of War. After three arduous years, he’s ready to move forward on a game that a player will inevitably uninstall immediately after ten minutes, sources confirmed. “All the branching story paths and different choices players can make is going to blow their minds.
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Mar 2, 2024 | 
thehardtimes.net | Brett McCabe
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Dashboard Confessional frontman Chris Carrabba reported he is still finding his ex-girlfriend’s hair all over his apartment despite having moved across the country numerous times, confirmed sources close to the situation. “I don’t know how this is still happening. It’s been two full decades since I saw my ex Emmy but whenever I’m sweeping up, doing laundry, or even rearranging things in the crawl space I find clumps of her hair everywhere.
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Feb 8, 2024 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
CHEYENNE, Wyo. — After submitting an impressive resume, new resident Cora Bailee was hired immediately as general manager of the local Dairy Queen. Her excitement died upon the discovery of former employees’ audio logs. “My first day, I came in and no one’s here. The Director of Operations who was supposed to train me said she had an emergency and couldn’t come in. When no other workers came in, I checked my email just to find that no one else worked here either,” said Bailee.
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Feb 2, 2024 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
WASHINGTON — Leaked documents reveal that the U.S. government was attempting to cover up the existence of 2012’s third-person shooter Spec Ops: The Line. “The documents in question are falsified. We have no record of there ever being a game called Spec Ops: The Line,” said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “Maybe you’re thinking of another Spec Ops game? Or perhaps a Call of Duty? Medal of Honor…? Wow. Remember those games?
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Jan 24, 2024 | 
getsomemagazine.com | Brett McCabe
The bouncy “Warsaw” opens up the set of Doomtree’s warrior princess Dessa. Before starting the “Hurricane Party” she announces that she's been on vocal rest for the past month due to laryngitis. The doctor’s prescription: no talking unless her feet are on a stage. She remains cheeky and energetic confessing that all of her in-between song banter is her "Rumspringa" from having to compactly tell her bandmates in the van "food, now" to fulfill her Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
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Jan 16, 2024 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
ALHAMBRA, Calif. — Fans of the highly anticipated Assassin’s Creed: Peace and Love, which takes place during the 1970s American sexual revolution, lined up outside of their local GameStop today reportedly unaware the value of their game will significantly drop as soon as they drive it off the lot. “I’m hoping this sucker will sell out, so I can binge it for 600 hours, plus the 10 hours of day-one DLCs, and then flip it,” said the visibly unshowered Leo Schwarmin.
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Dec 5, 2023 | 
hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe
BELLEVUE, Wash. — Digital video game distribution company Valve Software is worried it might have to go back to its former trade of developing beloved video games due to an upcoming lawsuit. “This is totally gonna suck. I’m gonna have to go back to work if this thing goes through,” stated Valve artist Brad Kinley.
