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Jan 14, 2025 | 
mcsweeneys.net | Carlos Greaves
“Pete Hegseth, President-elect Donald Trump’s pick to lead the Defense Department, faced senators at his confirmation hearing on Tuesday, where he fielded tough questions from Democrats over his views on women in the military and an allegation of sexual assault.” — CBS News, 1/14/25- - -As a conservative, I believe Hegseth is the perfect person to address the most pressing issues in the military, because they’re all issues he’s been accused of perpetrating himself.
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Jan 10, 2025 | 
mcsweeneys.net | Carlos Greaves
McSweeney’s is an independent nonprofit publishing company based in San Francisco. As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, Illustoria and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. You can support us today by making a donation. We are committed to our environment.
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Nov 26, 2024 | 
mcsweeneys.net | Carlos Greaves
If you’ve spent any time at your local state park, your local body of water, or your local abandoned granite quarry turned rock climbing haven, then I’m sure you’ve seen me. I was probably leading a hiking group, a kayaking expedition, or belaying for a group of middle schoolers on a YMCA-sponsored after-school trip. If so, then you saw me in my element, for I am a guy in a Patagonia UV hoodie, and I have never been indoors.
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Nov 19, 2024 | 
mysweetdumbbrain.substack.com | Katie Hawkins-Gaar |Carlos Greaves
As I approach 40, I’m embarking on a year-long project to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned in four decades of life. This is lesson #23. You can read the full series here. I live in an eclectic neighborhood on the east side of Atlanta, a mix of residences of all different sizes and styles. There are big, new constructions, towering townhouses, and smaller, older homes. Ours belongs to the latter category.
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Oct 28, 2024 | 
mcsweeneys.net | Carlos Greaves
“The stand-up comedian Tony Hinchcliffe took the stage early in former President Donald J. Trump’s rally at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, hurling a wave of insults and vulgar statements at minority groups including Jews, Latinos and African Americans.” — New York Times- - -After President Trump’s sold-out rally in Madison Square Garden this weekend, the mainstream media has been attempting to tear down his campaign by blowing some of the speakers’ remarks way out of proportion.
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Oct 22, 2024 | 
newyorker.com | Carlos Greaves
Best friends REBECCA (an intern at a boutique book publisher) and (an intern at a fashion magazine) live together in an affordable, two-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side. They’re throwing a party tonight, like they do most weekends, because their average-size, twenty-five-hundred-square-foot apartment overlooking Central Park is perfect for accommodating big groups. In the kitchen, Rebecca is chatting with MIKE, an attorney at a large corporate law firm, whom she’s just met.
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Oct 9, 2024 | 
mcsweeneys.net | Carlos Greaves
“Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has doubled down on her allegation that an unspecified ‘they’ can control the weather, a claim that has sparked a backlash online.” – Newsweek, 10/6/24- - -In the basement of the Ben and Jerry’s factory in Waterbury, Vermont, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi addresses her fellow globalist cabal leaders. In the room with her are George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Al Gore, and Taylor Swift. NANCY PELOSI: Good evening, fellow shady elites.
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Sep 4, 2024 | 
levelman.com | Omar Gallaga |Carlos Greaves |Jermaine Hall
7. Butter pecanAn integral part of an iconic hip-hop hook? Yes, indeed. A top-tier ice cream flavor? Not even close. If the only way you can describe the taste of something is “tan,” best to keep it pushing. Yeah, we said it. We meant it, too. Enjoy your uncooked dough, savages! (Look, if you’re not willing to let the yopper spray, don’t be out here making lists.)5.
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Sep 3, 2024 | 
levelman.com | Omar Gallaga |Carlos Greaves
6. (Real) SinglesWe don’t know much, but we know one thing: There are foods that only a Kraft product can complete. What, you’re gonna make a grilled cheese or breakfast sandwich with Swiss like a damn savage? The thing is, not all American cheese is created equal. If the package says “cheese food” or “American slices” or anything besides just “cheese,” keep that shopping cart pushing. In other words, Deli Deluxe all day!5. CotijaThe original salty sprinkle.
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Jul 12, 2024 | 
mcsweeneys.net | Carlos Greaves
Monday, July 159:00 p.m.The Banshees of the Bottomless Abyss wail the national anthem. 9:05 p.m.Axuloth, Slayer of Mortals, lays out his plan to stop the Great Replacement. 9:20 p.m.Arizona Senate candidate and election truther Kari Lake explains that Joe Biden couldn’t have won Wisconsin in 2020 because “Wisconsin” isn’t a real place. 9:40 p.m.The Goblins of Mount Agony on why student loan forgiveness is unfair to goblins who have already paid their blood debts to their chieftains.
