Daniel Finney

4 days ago | indianola-ia.com | Daniel Finney

5 days ago | paragraphstacker.substack.com | Daniel Finney

Send a cease-and-desist letter to Warner Brothers to prevent 1997’s “Batman and Robin” from ever being shown again. Report Catwoman as a stray and have her trapped by Gotham City Animal Control. Douse Aquaman with Shark Repellent Bat Spray. Step 1: Replace Clark Kent’s glasses with kryptonite frames. Step 2: Billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne seduces Lois Lane. Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker.

1 week ago | paragraphstacker.substack.com | Daniel Finney

Use heat vision to burn the steaks of pretentious dudes who make a big deal about people who like their steaks well done. Focus X-ray vision on lottery scratch off tickets to pick winners. Pick a fight in a bar and laugh as tough guys break their hands trying to knock me out. Change my secret identity from “mild-mannered reporter” to “ill-tempered internet troll.”Kick Batman’s ass. Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker.

1 week ago | paragraphstacker.substack.com | Daniel Finney

Couldn’t decide which Spider-Man T-shirt looked best with khakis. As a Yankees fan, didn’t want to be seen at anything in New York named “Met.”Busy doing any other thing. Thought of other ways to flaunt my wealth and influence in front of an increasingly shrinking middle class, like buying a dozen eggs. Busy telling other people their favorite band sucks. Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker.

1 week ago | paragraphstacker.substack.com | Daniel Finney

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