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Elinor Jones

Portland

Columnist, The Trash Report at Portland Mercury

Portland friend and writer. Haters to the airlock. she/her

Featured in: Favicon portlandmercury.com Favicon nature.com Favicon thestranger.com Favicon wweek.com Favicon mdpi.com Favicon cureus.com

Articles

  • THE TRASH REPORT: Women in STEM (Super Toxic Evil Machinations), Plus Celebrity Smells and Portland's Daddy History

    1 week ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

    Hiyeeeeee! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I'm Elinor Jones. How are you? Some people may say that they are "too blessed to be stressed" and I am living evidence that it's possible to be both blessed AND stressed. We can have it all!  Would you like to discuss news and gossip with me? I thought so.

  • THE TRASH REPORT: The Mega-Wealthy are Forming Groups and I, For One, Am Ready to Party

    2 weeks ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

    Hi everybody, and welcome back to the Trash Report! I'm Elinor Jones. Some have said that this column reads like a drunk girl in a bathroom bar whisper-yelling to a girl she just met about a mutual enemy who's not there, and to that I say: good, this is exactly what I'm going for. Now pretend it's 11 pm on a Friday night, we're gorgeously lit (both literally and metaphorically); you're trying to fix your lipstick while I'm gesticulating wildly and talking too loud and I have Things. To. Say.

  • The TRASH REPORT: Gossip is Yummy

    3 weeks ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

    Hi everybody, and welcome to the Trash Report! This is an extra special column. because it's for the upcoming FOOD EDITION of the Mercury.

  • THE TRASH REPORT: Roller Coasters (Political) & Roller Coasters (Literal), Plus Jeremy Renner, Kristen Stewart, and a Very Weird Content Warning

    1 month ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

    Hello, and welcome to another Trash Report! I am Elinor Jones. Wow, I just saw that this Nikon photography account on Instagram got a pic of all of us in a tree together (I'm the one whispering): Imagine that's still us and I am reading you all of the following:  Dumpster Nation President Trump had denied that any of his favorite boys would be punished for the demon group chat from hell, but apparently National Security Advisor Mike Waltz has ended up with his head on the chopping block.

  • THE TRASH REPORT: Pope Dies of JD Vance Exposure, the Philip Seymour Hoffman Cinematic Universe, and More!

    1 month ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

    Hello, beautifuls! It's me, Elinor Jones, back with another Trash Report for your eyes and your hearts. Did you know that the latest PRINT ISSUE of the Mercury is out now, which is a GUIDE TO FUN?! There's a bonus Trash Report in there. And then Mercury editor-in-chief Wm. Steven Humphrey asked if I had anything else to contribute and I was like, "best I can do is a list of places to disassociate." It's not so much "fun" as it is "not agony"—but hey, we write what we know.

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