Elinor Jones

2 months ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

Hello, beautifuls! It's me, Elinor Jones, back with another Trash Report for your eyes and your hearts. Did you know that the latest PRINT ISSUE of the Mercury is out now, which is a GUIDE TO FUN?! There's a bonus Trash Report in there. And then Mercury editor-in-chief Wm. Steven Humphrey asked if I had anything else to contribute and I was like, "best I can do is a list of places to disassociate." It's not so much "fun" as it is "not agony"—but hey, we write what we know.

2 months ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade. Other times, you just look at the lemons and deeply seethe at your misfortune. Like, lemons? Again with the fucking lemons? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE ALL THESE LEMONS?! But there is a place between misery and elation, where you can step away from stress without feeling the need to grin and put on a show.

2 months ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

Hello friends, and welcome to The Trash Report! This is a space for talking about what’s happening in the world. The Mercury is publishing a "Portland Guide to FUN" issue this coming week, and I have been asked to play along, even though much of the news right now is very—how you say—not fun.

2 months ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

Hi everybody! I'm Elinor Jones. Welcome back to the Trash Report. I almost feel bad giving you a reason to look at screen-based content when it is SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. I could never live in one of those year-round summer hellholes; we need the darkness to appreciate all this light. Do I mind that the stunning greenery causes my eyes to water profusely and I sneeze so many times in a row that I get regular nosebleeds? I'll be honest: I don't love it! But it's worth it.

2 months ago | portlandmercury.com | Elinor Jones

Hi there! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I am mother trash panda, Elinor Jones. I hope you have been having a pleasant April spent refreshing your retirement account, wondering what was even the point of saving in your 20s for a future that may not happen when you could have just spent more money on drugs and skincare? The blissed-out girlies with zero pores are definitely not concerned with the tanking economy right now, and I am jealous.