Erin Cansler

Producer fail: not creating a playlist before fireworks then trying call up tracks in real time while distracted. Sorry kids. https://t.co/eFJiM61kIf

I’m going to live forever!!!! https://t.co/Ur9mga3KX7

If you’re really looking to take your workout next level then try popping some melatonin and working the Bosu Ball. Mouthguard optional.

Welcome back, old friend. Two weeks missing after 18 years together. The universe is now back in balance. https://t.co/ew6NoaMlyb

The bowels of nature poured forth upon me in what I shall call the devil’s facial. Some call it cleaning gutters. To the micro organisms now living on/inside of me, welcome friends. We’ll have drinks later.

Life lesson: if you let your pup out in the rain and she proceeds to try and eat the rain, don’t playfully imitate her. You’ll only concern the neighbors. https://t.co/VF9qGUKWoe

If your mom doesn’t bring you the orange popsicles first from the box when you are sick then you need to have a serious talk with her about how committed she is to your recovery.

I’m going to start saying “slowly, but Laverne” because I think Shirley has really had enough time in the spotlight.

Looking at the True Value ad and getting excited when I saw Fiskers Bypass Loppers on sale for $9.99 caused me to reflect upon all of the silly and superficial things that brought me joy before I became a homeowner. I miss those days. https://t.co/Hc1AHo1b3l

It’s that time of year when I wish I had someone to hold Someone to hold a shovel and clear my driveway https://t.co/gzj336e3Dj

Fun Fact: 1 pound of 98% lean ground turkey is one serving. Follow-up Fun Fact: I regret the final 3 ounces of that serving and question the legitimacy of initial Fun Fact.

Been doing some ancestry research over the holidays. I believe I can trace my lineage back to the Brontomerus clan. https://t.co/YgfCi4PYFN

Go Chicken Go CHIEFS! #gizzard blizzard #kck #deepfried #billanddante #danteandbill #hashtag https://t.co/GF68vL1CHI

Let this be a warning to all: shopping on an empty stomach can lead to poor decision making (such as turning this into a one serving bag). https://t.co/0ljN0iM5bz

You come around my neighborhood preaching the good word on a Sunday, I’ll stand in frigid temps for 30 min listening to some verse. You return on a Sunday three weeks later at 11:57a when Chiefs kick off at noon? Be gone evil spirits!