Esther Inglis-Arkell

My mom on the paper: "I see the front page and think, 'Oh shit.' Then I turn the page and think, 'Oh shit.' Then I turn the page again and think, 'Oh shit.'" Best ad for a paper. It informs you enough to say, "Oh shit" and you at least have to turn the page to get more bad news.

I have a Nest thermostat that resets itself to 72 degrees. When I'm here it's just a nuisance that leaves me boiling hot until I turn it off. If I were to go on vacation it's not just annoying but a danger and a major expense. Can anyone help? #smarthomessuck @googlenest

There is one and ONLY one time when that stupid Meta Quest thing would interest me. It's walking through the newly restored Notre Dame and being able to toggle between the original, the destroyed, and the stages of restoration as I toured. Literally, the only time.

If a fictional book, movie, or tv show had chefs go insane trying to get a special designation/award that was just promotional material for a tire company we'd never believe it. Michelin stars are the weirdest cultural thing ever. https://t.co/V3TW4rzUXc

When you're a kid a fairy cursing a child to a death by-spinning-wheel because she didn't get invited to a Christening sounds like a fantasy-world overreaction. Then you are an adult, read Reddit stories, and realize it's an insightful observation about human nature.

When it's time to go to bed and you know that 10 minutes of stretching will help you feel infinitely better and sleep much longer. https://t.co/4KdWUkpE9q

One of the interesting aspects of clearing out your space is the number of times you will come across a piece of paper with a full name, full contact details, and a three word note about someone you would *swear on your life* you have never met.

Sometimes I feel sorry for voice actors with bass voices. What if they want to non-ironically talk about how nice tulip bouquets are? Or sparkly pink diamonds? No, it's all pickup trucks and "combat grade" hoodies and soap that smells like mesquite barbecue.

Halloween tip: Offer bowls of candy to grown-ups. It's ridiculous how many adults are just over-the-moon pleased to get to pick out a Blow Pop or a tiny little box of Mild Duds. You will be making people's day.

Genuinely, pulling a bunch of blankets over you on a cool night and feeling the warmth begin to build is one of the most all-encompassing experiences of well-being there is. https://t.co/tj4cbZRGct

Whole body deodorants are such a comically evil concept. If you told me there was a substance that would make me smell like cucumber and mint for *three days straight* I'd assume that at the end of three days Samara from The Ring would crawl out of my knee pit and kill me.

Horror Movie Months September: Social Scary Movies October: Spooky Scary Movies November: Uncanny Scary Movies December: Intense Scary Movies January: Bleak Scary Movies February: Endurance-Based Scary Movies

Every time I see a new movie or tv series with Nicole Kidman, which is all the time, I am happy because she very clearly wants to be an actress in movies and tv. This is a person who wanted a specific job and got it and loves it and does it all the time. Good for her.

The biggest logical problem with Deep Blue Sea is not that they engineered super-smart sharks or that the facility easily fell apart. It's that they didn't encourage the sharks to go into the sea to do the smartest things that sharks can do, which is stay far away from humans.

Since we no longer wear a long black dress and veil during our time of mourning when a loved one dies, I would like to wear this outfit during the time period when I have burned my tongue and can't taste food properly. https://t.co/QNuUNFj4iv

It makes me angry that @YouTube will censor nipples and the word “sex” and then show me ads of people removing earwax and squeezing blackheads. These people have no idea what offensive material is.

The most legitimately “actor” thing Lady Gaga has ever done is agree to do a comic book movie for a promising franchise thinking it will be the next big step in her career and have it viciously backfire on her. To hell with winning an Oscar. *That* is acting. https://t.co/pIANr0dIxG