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Greg Schwem

Chicago, Lemont

Columnist, Tribune Content Agency and Business Humor Speaker at Freelance

Business humorist | Funny keynote speaker and MC | Creator, A Comedian Crashes Your Pad | Top @Medium writer | @Drybarcomedy special out now | Northwestern grad

Articles

  • 1 week ago | medium.com | Greg Schwem

    How to ruin your upcoming summer vacation in two words? That’s easy: rental car. Allow me to walk you through the most frustrating, time-wasting, price-gouging start to what was supposed to be a week of hard-earned R&R. Come along for the ride — the one that begins before the actual ride you reserved. Pay close attention to the word “reserved” because it will be redefined on this journey. Has your plane landed? Excellent.

  • 1 month ago | medium.com | Greg Schwem

    Imagine you’re in a high-end retail clothing store browsing the latest fashions. Dismayed at the prices, you are about to leave when a store manager approaches you with an offer. A $5,000 check. Written on the spot. You can’t believe your good fortune. Suddenly everything from yoga pants to handbags looks enticing. And affordable. Then the manager reveals one minor detail. You have to spend $300,000 on merchandise before he whips out his checkbook.

  • 1 month ago | boomermagazine.com | Greg Schwem

    Dinner may differ, but dining alone at breakfast holds a certain charm for humorist Greg Schwem, especially at independently owned diners. When it comes to breakfast, I am the opposite of a solomangarephobic. Bounce the word “solomangarephobia” off your therapist or that friend or family member who just likes to diagnose everybody. See if any of them know it’s the fear of dining alone in public. Better yet, find someone who suffers from this affliction and say you know the cure.

  • 2 months ago | boomermagazine.com | Greg Schwem

    Through personal experience, humorist Greg Schwem has learned that a leftover bolt inevitably remains after a construction project, such as a standup desk, TV stand – and maybe the Gateway Arch.

  • Feb 20, 2025 | medium.com | Greg Schwem

    Greg Schwem·FollowPublished inThe Haven·4 min read·--Loyal readers, if you hear of an entry-level job in pile driving, I have a request. DM me. ASAP. At 62, I have little interest in pounding large foundational supports for bridges and other construction projects into frozen soil. But my retirement portfolio could use a boost.

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Greg Schwem
Greg Schwem @GregSchwem
26 May 25

#corporateevent #meetingplanners Here’s how you customize #comedy for an audience #eventprofs #business https://t.co/DmiAvz40DM

Greg Schwem
Greg Schwem @GregSchwem
25 May 25

I’m gonna hunt down the guy who told me it was two decades

The Hill
The Hill @thehill

1-2 alcoholic drinks a day may shorten life by 2 months, according to new research https://t.co/ubNNPVHtqr

Greg Schwem
Greg Schwem @GregSchwem
19 May 25

I was in the room w the bad fluorescent lighting and the diagnosis. He is spot on.

Democratic Wins Media
Democratic Wins Media @DemocraticWins

BREAKING: In this heartbreaking moment, Paul Begala just made perfectly clear how much a fighter President Biden is, what Biden did to advance cancer research, and how Donald Trump is working today to reverse that hard earned progress. This is a must watch.https://t.co/9X3BaBKMK0