Ian Kirke

United Kingdom

Frustrated Speedway promoter, Notts County fan and part-time philosopher. Lord of Hougun Manor, Cumbria. Retired in a hammock. Views are 100% mine.

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Articles

Happiness: where are you hiding?

1 month ago | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

I am fortunate beyond words to have Arthur (five), Darcie (three) and Theo (nine months) in my life. Just thinking about them sends a tingle down my spine. Although they can all – to varying degrees – exhibit classic temper tantrums, usually over seemingly mundane issues such as being unable to eat a packet of sweets before dinner, they nonetheless radiate the most incredible, tangible, and touching examples of happiness.
Don’t worry, be happy: how best to beat anxiety

1 month ago | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

I think I’m a serial worrier. I base this assumption on the simple fact that I have often found myself worrying about having nothing to worry about. Riddle me that one if you can! Nestled within my consciousness for as long as I can remember, I think I handle this state of mind fairly well. Granted it’s annoying, but similarly to my dislike of getting into cold water, I’ve grown to accept it as being part of my personality.
The joy of escapism in a world overwhelmed by Trumpism

2 months ago | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

Escapism seems the only way to stay sane these days. Along with billions of unwilling and unwitting participants, I presently live in a universe where the leader of ‘the free world’ – whatever that flimsy statement ever meant – openly blames a sovereign nation-state for being invaded by a foreign power.
Exploring Marrakech: A Magpie’s Moroccan Adventure

2 months ago | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

As a longstanding Notts County season ticket holder, going AWOL for a home fixture is supreme sacrilege. The crunch match against Tranmere Rovers (Saturday 22 February 2025) ultimately fell to the magnetism of Marrakech, the fourth biggest city of Morocco, and the now customary short break (four nights) to somewhere new and scintillating to celebrate my birthday. As I have advanced in age, travel has become key to my spirit of adventure and mental wellbeing. Escape is my antidote to ageing.
Confessions of a klutz: calming a chaotic mind

2 months ago | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

The Catholic practice of confession has always fascinated me – probably because I’m nosey by nature. I am by no means religious, but there are elements of this sphere that nonetheless fascinate me. I love nothing more than exploring religious sites during my travels across the globe and I regularly use holy words to compliment my habit of swearing – often at the most trivial mishaps of everyday living.
Children are our greatest teachers and make us better adults

2 months ago | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

A friend once asked me, “Would you recommend that I have children?” Without a moment of hesitation, I immediately endorsed the notion. His reply was instant and illuminating: “But you are always moaning about them!”Momentarily my reflections bounced from embarrassment to confusion. I love my children, Lucy, 34 and Adam, 31, unconditionally but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I am constrained to view them and their exploits through rose-coloured spectacles.
What did you want to be as a child? Career dreams vs reality

Feb 24, 2025 | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

I have often admired folk who had a determination to succeed in a chosen career and ultimately fulfilled their quest. Truth is, I still don’t know what I want to be. Aged 19 I ended up in the police; an organisation that would look after me and provide an identity and purpose. This choice seemed a better option than the army where I ran the risk of being shot at in a faraway land.
Journey of hope: a football fan’s surprise reflections

Feb 9, 2025 | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

The UK weather in early January does not routinely inspire hope. It is usually equivalent to wintertime in Siberia, especially the coastal regions where the wind-chill factor can scare off the most robust of brass monkeys. So why on earth had I decided to embark upon the epic trek up to the Northeast Lincolnshire seaside resort of Cleethorpes?
Derren Brown tricks used by world leaders to exploit populist fears

Jan 29, 2025 | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

The ideal antidote to the real prospect of a bunch of Bond villains vying for world supremacy – from President Musk and his willing assistant Nick Nack (aka Donald Trump) in the west, to President (for life) Xi in the east, via the loathsome Scaramanga and Blofeld in middle earth – may be closer than you think. But first, look into my eyes and when I click my fingers, the world will be a happier and safer place for all of us.
What your pee tells you: don’t ignore the warning signs

Jan 10, 2025 | centralbylines.co.uk | Ian Kirke

To the ordinary Brit urine literally flows through mainstream culture. The vernacular is awash with references to this yellow fluid. Do you think I’m taking the piss? Look outside – it’s almost certainly pissing down. But don’t piss about or your performance will inevitably be piss-poor. Better to celebrate and get pissed than to get pissed off. But as a mature man I would urge fellow chaps to give pee a much greater prominence, especially when it comes to matters of health.