Jason Torchinsky

Creative Director, Co-Founder at The Autopian

Hello! I'm the co-founder of car website https://t.co/RBMC1YNo19! Also, I'm an affable dipshit. Ask me about taillights! You'll regret it, a bit!

Articles

How About Some Other "General" Cars To Replace The General Lee?

3 days ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

I suspect that most of us are familiar with that seminal piece of American literature and theater, The Dukes of Hazard.
My VW Tiguan Has Developed The Weirdest Problem That Sounds Like Coconuts Being Dropped On Its Roof

4 days ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

I think it’s no secret that the relationship I have with my 2010 VW Tiguan, which is my wife’s primary car, has been, um, checkered, at best. I actively like the car, at least when it’s running, because it’s got a pleasant interior and drives well and is a good, not-too-big size, all that. Also, the dash has so many warning lights on it feels like Las Vegas, which always keeps things exciting.
In Case You Were Curious, These Are The CHMSLs That Most Remind One Of Smurf Knockoffs

4 days ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

The other day I was at Ruddy Glow, a new taillight bar that just opened up around here to deal with the massive growth of taillight enthusiasts, which was causing bars like Flashing Amber’s and The Crimson Lamp to be unreasonably packed, night after night, leading to lots of chaos and brawls, because you know how taillight freaks are. This new bar seems to have become a favorite of the CHMSL/third brake light sub-sub-culture, and that’s who made up most of the crowd.
A Company Wants To Sell You A Small Machine To Make Gasoline Out Of Air

5 days ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

It sounds kind of magical, or at least alchmical, the idea of making gasoline out of air. I suppose making anything out of air conjures up images of old men with long beards in conical hats and robes spangled with stars and comets and yodas and whatever, but in the case of gasoline, it can actually be done. In fact, it’s not even all that complicated, at least in theory.
I Think Panhard Specially Bred Miniature Dogs And Humans To Do This

5 days ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

When it comes to old car brochures, one recurring theme is the importance of demonstrating the volume of a trunk. This comes up over and over again, and it makes sense, as people like to travel with stuff, and stuff has to go somewhere in the vehicle in order to, you know, move. I think some scientists demonstrated this in the early 1900s. So, carmakers liked to show just how much stuff one could cram into a given trunk in their brochures.
The Two Types Of Triclops Cars

1 week ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

I was over at The Sealed Bean, a combination headlight-enthusiast bar and chili hut, enjoying a pair of mugs filled with almost indistinguishable dark near-liquids, one with Guinness, one with their special black bean “sippin’ chili.” While double-fisting my dinner, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the couple seated at the bar next to me, which seemed to be a first date.
You Have To Respect The Bold Use Of Escalade Taillights On Whatever The Hell This Is

1 week ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

I realize that most of the references to this particular car online are treating it with a mixture of amazement and contempt, an emotional cocktail I’ve been served many, many times. And, really, I don’t think that’s fair. Sure, this particular car isn’t to everyone’s taste, and, arguably, may only be to the taste of whoever put in the considerable time and resources required to make such a thing.
Mitsubishi Once Gave Their Little HVAC Guy A Striking Profile

1 week ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

You know who one of the most famous yet least-celebrated figures in the automotive world is? It’s someone that shows up, tirelessly, on dashboard controls and street signs, a stand in for every single one of us. It’s someone who shares our basic body plan, but dramatically simplified, eliminating all details and such frivolous features as hands, feet, and, yes, necks. Heads have been streamlined into perfect spheres.
I Had No Idea Carburetor Fans Were A Thing

1 week ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

I think I’ve mentioned before how I’m continually astounded at how there’s always something new to learn in this vast universe of automobiles. I’m a painful car geek, one that makes people fling their drinks into plants at parties just to get the hell away from me before I pin them into a corner and start talking about turn signals, and even I find things I had no idea existed all the time.
Everyone Gets Fixated On This Poem By e.e.cummings As Sexual But Maybe It's Just About A Car After All

1 week ago | theautopian.com | Jason Torchinsky

I don’t really have any specific formula for what I decide to do a Cold Start about; it just has to be (mostly) car-related and interesting or funny or unexpected or something that justifies my greedily demanding your time to read it. I certainly go to old car brochures as a sort of default, I suppose, or some detail about a car that grabs me, for reasons I can’t really explain. I rarely do them about poems, though.

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