Jeremy Clarkson

I know how they can make Monaco more exciting.

Alan Yentob is the guy who called to end my career at Top Gear. He knew what had really gone on though and two days later, we had dinner. Great man. Loved and understood television. My love to Philippa.

To be clear, the slug incident that got me a night in the Cannes can was exactly 40 years ago this weekend. Not last week or anything.

I forgot to say that in the tent, there’s an astonishingly good butcher’s counter. And Lisa has a Diddly Squat shop in there too.

If you can’t get a reservation at the Farmer’s Dog, don’t worry. Come along anyway. Head to the tent in the garden, grab a pint and something to eat and sit outside. The food’s brilliant and the view will make your hair itch. It’s amazing. Bring the dog. And the kids. Or don’t.

Imola may not produce the best racing but to drive round, it’s my favourite track in the world.

Just spent the last hour in the sunshine with some binoculars waiting for the return of the swifts, and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. I was quite literally kicking around on a piece of ground. Just not in Doncaster. Because I didn’t miss the starting gun.

I’ve had an idea to make F1 racing more consistently exciting. Don’t use tracks where overtaking is difficult.

That F1 race this morning gave me an idea of what it might be like to watch cricket.

I fear the poor old dear has become senile. Because while he can’t remember me being there, I can. https://t.co/T7uC2L3ALE

Adolescence. The camera at the end of show 2. How on earth did they do that? It’s impossible.

F1 drivers: If you want to learn how to reverse off road, give me a call. It certainly helped @OscarPiastri today

A great old friend of mine, Nick Love, has made a movie starring Danny Dyer. It’s called “Marching Powder” and it’s like Mamma Mia apart from in every single detail. I loved it and I hope you do too.

Let me write this for the online “news” services. Jeremy Clarkson broke his silence today and denied he’s hosting a motoring show”.

Hats off to @BBCCountryfile for that report on post Brexit food and plant checks at U.K. ports. Jesus. Scary stuff.

I’ve never been able decide which is my favourite film: Butch Cassidy or Local Hero. But I think it might be Slumdog Millionaire

Stephen Fry is on Who Wants to be a Millionaire this evening. It’s worth a watch. ITV. 8pm.