John Hodgman

New York

Journalist at Freelance

Host at Judge John Hodgman Podcast

Good evening, my name is John Hodgman. I didn't ask for or pay for this blue check, and I am rarely ever here anymore.

Articles

Do You Need to Send a Holiday Card to Receive One?

4 weeks ago | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

B: You are wrong. Writing a holiday card is an act of generosity, not a transaction. And explaining your tit-for-tat retaliation is a pretty aggro holiday message to send. If you truly still care about them, I would add them back to the list and enjoy the warm fuzzy feeling of making them feel guilty each year.
Can You Enter Your Spouse's Office Pantsless?

1 month ago | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

By David writes: I work in our basement. We have no laundry chute, so when I need printouts, I walk upstairs to my wife's office to get them. My wife tolerates this, and the fact that I'm not wearing pants. But when she's in a meeting, she says: "Don't come in! My camera's on!" Please order her to turn off her webcam when she hears me coming up the stairs so I don't have to get dressed.
What Constitutes Cheating at Wordle?

2 months ago | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

By Timothy writes: My friends text me their Wordle skeletons after they finish. And because I know some of their starting words, I can figure out some letters and positions, which helps me out. Some of my friends say that's cheating. I think it's smart and fun.
Is Hawaiian Pizza a 'Classic'?

2 months ago | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

By Nicole writes: Is Hawaiian pizza a "classic"? I say yes: Pineapple and ham on pizza has been around for decades. But my friend Andrea says no: "Classic" toppings are restricted to pepperoni, extra cheese, anchovies, etc. Please order Andrea to share a pineapple pizza with me, and make her order it by saying: "I would like a Hawaiian, which is a classic kind of pizza."
Judge John Hodgman on Proper Lego-Sorting

Mar 20, 2025 | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

Marc writes: Our 8-year-old, Philip, received several Lego sets for his birthday. I think Lego sets should be kept together for future re-creation. My wife, Jess, thinks all the Legos should be dumped together in a bin. Who's right? Maybe Jess is one of those people who think following instructions to build a big Yoda to stare at you judgmentally from a shelf for a dozen years is less "creative" than the bashing of bricks together at random before losing them under the radiator.
Un veredicto sobre la higiene b├ísica del estornudo

Mar 16, 2025 | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

Catherine escribe: Mi marido, Alex, ¡se niega a taparse la boca cuando estornuda en casa! Puedo ver las partículas del estornudo salpicando por todas partes. Alex dice que debería poder "desahogarse" en su propia casa. Por favor, haz que se detenga. No hace mucho estaba seguro de que nunca volveríamos a abrazarnos, y mucho menos a respirar boquiabiertos sobre un recipiente compartido de hummus en la sala VIP de un aeropuerto.
Judge John Hodgman on Basic Sneezing Hygiene

Mar 13, 2025 | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

Catherine writes: My husband, Alex, refuses to cover his mouth when he sneezes at home! I can see the sneeze particles spraying all over. Alex says he should be able to "let it out" in his own home. Please make him stop. It wasn't long ago I was sure we'd never hug one another again, let alone breathe gape-mouthed over a tub of shared hummus in an airport lounge.
Ordinary human feelings and vulnerabilities

Jan 24, 2025 | hodgman.substack.com | John Hodgman

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Judge John Hodgman on Baby Shampoo

Jan 23, 2025 | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

Daniel writes: My brother insists on using Johnson's Baby Shampoo, saying there's no reason adults can't enjoy the "gentle to the eyes" experience. I say that now that he's 26 and off our parents' insurance, it's time for him to graduate to adult shampoo. Who is right? You wrote to the wrong judge. I used baby shampoo well into my 20s, and I honestly don't know why I switched. I suspect I was lured by labels with cosmopolitan typefaces and empty promises to thicken my wispy, pathetic baby hair.
Judge John Hodgman on Condescending Kit Kat Labels

Jan 16, 2025 | nytimes.com | John Hodgman

Judge John Hodgman on Condescending Kit Kat LabelsCan a candy bar’s instructions be too paternalistic? Credit...Illustration by Louise Zergaeng PomeroyJan. 16, 2025, 5:15 a.m. ETNatasha writes: I’m having a heated argument with my 17-year-old about instructions I found on a Kit Kat wrapper today: “TO OPEN: Lift Flap and Tear at End.” I think it’s silly, unnecessary and only possible in the United States. My kid says it’s helpful to others and doesn’t hurt me, so it’s fine. Who’s right?