John Scotto

Oct 5, 2023 | thesunmagazine.org | John Scotto |Dan Leach |Jen Silverman |David Mahaffey

When I was a senior in high school, I became obsessed with the home movies Dad kept in his armoire, behind bottles of cologne. Every day I’d reach through a cloud of Brut and vanilla musk, remove a tape from the stack, and watch the footage alone in our basement, captivated by images of the kid I used to be. There I was at the age of eight, playing baseball in the backyard. Dad was recording me through the kitchen window, so I thought I was alone.

Oct 3, 2023 | thesunmagazine.org | Donovan McAbee |John Scotto |David Mahaffey |Jen Silverman

It started with the mouse in the grass by the sidewalk, ants crawling on its face. Aidan wanted to touch it. I drew him back and held him. We talked about the gray fur and the tiny ants. He asked if the mouse was going to go home to his mama and daddy. No, I told him, the mouse won’t get to go home again. Maybe he goes to play with his friends. No, I said again, the mouse won’t get to play with his friends.

Aug 21, 2023 | thesunmagazine.org | Maria Kuznetsova |Mishele Maron |John Scotto

My insomnia began just when my baby girl started sleeping through the night. Anytime my head hit the pillow, my heart pounded like a million galloping horses, and I would tremble and sweat and eventually get up and stand on our back porch to beg the gods for peace until I heard the birds chirping, inaugurating a new day, which I would spend dragging around my girl without even a modicum of rest. None of the herbs, medications, or mindfulness techniques I tried were able to move the needle.

Aug 2, 2023 | thesunmagazine.org | Mishele Maron |John Scotto |Maria Kuznetsova |Joseph Rodriguez

Old Mom Jessica Barksdale I failed at attachment. I failed at responsibility. I failed at wisdom, nurture, nature, separation, and calm. I excelled at role model, if what you wanted was wretched. I passed tired with flying colors, scored the best marks in pain. The legacy of all this is here with me now, a rubber-band ball of Can I have a do-over? No one died, but. No one is president or in jail. No one sings from the hilltops or injects fentanyl under a bridge.

Aug 1, 2023 | thesunmagazine.org | John Scotto |Maria Kuznetsova |Leslee Goodman |Coach’s Kid

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. — Ed. As a small boy I didn’t feel like I was built for this world. I was an overstimulated insomniac: alert, jittery, brimming with a desire to share my thoughts, which I quickly learned not to do. Whenever I let loose and spoke freely, the tedious amount of information that flowed out of my mouth annoyed and even angered people.