Kristen Mulrooney

Boston

Editor @The_Belladonnas. Columnist @mcsweeneys. Writing in The New Yorker. Barbie IRL out October 2024.

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Articles

One of My Toddler Parenting Choices Has People Thinking I’ve Gone Mad. I’ll Stand By It Forever.

3 days ago | slate.com | Kristen Mulrooney

This essay was adapted from the parenting newsletter the Pomegranate. Subscribe here. Last year, I responded to a tweet asking for unpopular parenting takes with my most Flynn-from-Rapunzel-swords-at-the-throat hot take: We should stop putting kids in strollers as soon as they learn how to walk. The replies, while in abject disagreement, proved that at the very least, I understood the assignment. Let me get my caveats out of the way: I live in a cute suburb that is fully unwalkable.
Letters to Moms: A Letter to Back to the Future’s Lorraine Baines-McFly

6 days ago | mcsweeneys.net | Kristen Mulrooney

Dear Lorraine,How are you? Or maybe I should ask, when are you? Haha, nah, just a little time travel joke. But seriously, I hope everything is good and chronological, and that you are residing comfortably in the timeline where Biff washes your car. Even though decades have passed since your kids were babies (two decades? Or is it six? Whatever, time is relative), I wonder how well you remember what it was like. How well do you remember those years when you had babies attached to you like brambles?
Unexpected Costs of Having Children

1 month ago | medium.com | Kristen Mulrooney

I’m talking just the essentials, like Nickelodeon slime kits. This humor piece was adapted from the newsletter The Pomegranate. Read more here and subscribe.
Stumbling Into My Wise Old Sage Era

Jan 9, 2025 | the-pom.com | Kristen Mulrooney |Sarah Radz

A few weeks ago, my 12-year-old dog Buster walked into a chair. This would have been easy to ignore, because I have three children and they are chaotic and thus my house is chaotic unless they’re asleep, and sometimes even then. The children walk into chairs, tables, walls all the time. But Buster doesn’t.
Letters to Moms: A Letter to Kevin McCallister’s Mom

Dec 11, 2024 | mcsweeneys.net | Kristen Mulrooney

In this column, Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different level now that she’s a mom herself. - - -Dear Mrs. McCallister,In 1990, I was about the same age as your son Kevin, and he and I were on the same wavelength—that is to say, I judged the hell out of your parenting. Poor Kevin.
Thanksgiving Itinerary of a Woman Who’s Taking a More Relaxed Approach to the Holiday This Year

Nov 26, 2024 | thebelladonnacomedy.com | Kristen Mulrooney

Then why did I wake up at 5am? I don’t know! Just in case. 5:00am Wake up 15 minutes before my alarm goes off. Every year I work so hard to host a beautiful Thanksgiving for my family, only to realize that I was so focused on making everything perfect that I didn’t take a moment to enjoy it. This year I’m not overthinking things. All I have to do is stick the turkey in the oven. Everything else is basically done. Then why did I wake up at 5am? I don’t know! Just in case.
Homemade Toaster Pastries (Gilmore Girl Recipe #1)

Aug 11, 2024 | blogarama.com | Elena Craig |Kristen Mulrooney

AKA Poptarts! Let's kick off this Gilmore Girl cooking series with the most iconic recipe of them all. The Poptart! Crunchy Pastry with a Jam filling and a light sprinkled frosting on top. Enjoy this homemade version of this delicious on-the-go breakfast. Lorelai: I opened the little silver wrapper, and I took a bite, and I thought nothing had ever tasted so good. I thought it tasted like freedom. It tasted like I was my own person. The Pop-Tart tasted like freedom and rebellion and independence.
Daily Itinerary of a Mom During Summer Vacation

Jun 28, 2024 | thebelladonnacomedy.com | Kristen Mulrooney

Daily Itinerary of a Mom During Summer VacationI check the calendar to see if it is fall yet. Photo by Raphaël Biscaldi on Unsplash12:38am: I go to sleep. I’ve stayed up a little past my bedtime to watch Dune 2, because it’s summer vacation. I always have to drag my kids out of bed at 8am to get them to school on time, so surely since there’s no school tomorrow, they’ll sleep late and I’ll still get a solid seven and a half hours of…
Letters to Moms: Letter to the Virgin Mary

Jun 5, 2024 | mcsweeneys.net | Kristen Mulrooney

In this column, Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different level now that she’s a mom herself.
Letters to Moms: A Letter to Mallory Pike’s Mom

May 10, 2024 | mcsweeneys.net | Kristen Mulrooney

In this column, Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different level now that she’s a mom herself. - - -Dear Mrs. Pike,I hope all is well in sunny Stoneybrook, Connecticut. The school year is coming to an end and like me, you’re probably gearing up for summer vacation. Personally, I’m feeling pretty anxious about having to keep the kids busy for eleven straight weeks.