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4 days ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
A smart reply at Salter Menswear... (Image: Newsquest) Suits you, sir The Royal Garden Party is a prestigious affair. Much swankier than an evening spent at Dodgy Dave’s Liccur Shak, the boozer most favoured by the minions working at Diary Towers. Unlike Dodgy Dave’s, the Garden Party, which takes place in the grounds of Holyrood Palace, has a strict dress code. (Dodgy Dave’s does have a dress code, of sorts.
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5 days ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Readers beware, this Lanarkshire train station has a darkside The Diary is famous for its rough and rascally realism. Decades before Scotland was confronted by the oeuvre of James Kelman and Irvine Welsh, this column dared to walk on the wild side, with tales of dodgy deals and devil-may-care debauchery.
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1 week ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
The warm friendship between the two bottle blonds (allegedly) is strained, possibly beyond repair. Apparently Rod is disappointed at the way Donald treats women. It’s understandable that this is the reason for the rift, because Rod is, of course, a noted feminist activist. The lyrics to his classic disco hit, Hot Legs, become a foundational text for second-wave feminists.
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1 week ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Though only if you happen to be the school janitor, and you can hide inside the broom cupboard, huddled behind a mop, bucket and squeegee, until all the scallywag scholars have ripped the classrooms apart, beaten each other up, then barged through the school gates at the end of the day, eager to continue their reign of rampage upon arriving home.
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1 week ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Rod Stewart, still on track at 80 (Image: PA) One-track mind The antics that rocker Rod Stewart gets up to in hotel rooms when he’s touring, even at the age of 80… It gets very steamy, that’s for sure. The Diary is, of course, talking about steam trains, and other varieties of locomotive.
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1 week ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Reader Gareth Mitchell was visited by a pal from the Middle East who was taken aback by the amount of daylight we have at this time of year. He approvingly described this phenomenon by saying: “In your summer it gets late late.” Brought to book Bibliophile Jenny Fawkes belongs to a book group and the other day one of the members asked if anybody had read any of the great Russian novels. One lady said that she had read Dostoevsky’s magnum opus Crime and Punishment. “Any good?” asked Jenny.
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1 week ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Ian’s son had never heard this name for the Scottish peaks before. Not wanting to be uninformed about the great outdoors, he said to Ian: “So these Munros? Are they named after that old movie star from Some Like it Hot?” Hammer-time When he was a student, reader Jeff Robinson bagged a summer job on a building site. On his first day, one of the experienced hands asked Jeff if he’d be going with the other lads to the pub, that evening.
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1 week ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Education Correspondent John Mulholland provides us with the following vignette, which illustrates the challenges faced by teachers... Teacher: “Now that I have explained the meaning of the word ‘aftermath,’ would someone like to give me a sentence containing the word ‘aftermath’?” Pupil: “My timetable on a Friday is a disaster because I get two periods of English after Math.” “How ridiculous,” says John.
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2 weeks ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
The merits of unimportant fathers and other classic tales from the archives.... (Image: Unsplash) Daddy issues Father's Day isĀ that special occasion when the entire country conspires to pretend that dads are just as important as mums. Then on Monday itās back to factory settings, with mum on the throne and dad most likely on his way to the pub, mobile phone switched off so that none of the kids can nag him while heās knocking back whiskies and chomping salted peanuts.
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2 weeks ago | 
heraldscotland.com | Lorne Jackson
Though booze gargling does have its disadvantages, such as a tendency to make people talk pure gibberish. Diary correspondent Fergus Reid somehow found himself in one of Glasgow’s less than salubrious watering holes, in the city’s east end, where he overheard two scholars of international affairs in heated discussion. Said one to the other: “See they Americans? Problem is, they’re a’ gum-chewers.
