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Sep 20, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
I read a letter in Dear Abby the other day which demonstrated a lot of the basic mistakes people make in a conflict. This one was about family dynamics, but the analysis and solution apply to many workplace situations as well. Dear Abby suggested family therapy, airing grievances and reaching an agreement, all of which could be helpful. But I want to offer a more nuanced conflict transformation perspective.
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May 16, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
The highly sensitive personI am a highly sensitive person (HSP), one of the estimated 20% of humans on the planet who are HSP. It can be both a gift and a curse and is often misunderstood by loved ones and people at work and even by ourselves. What makes someone a highly sensitive person? According to international expert Alane Freund, there are four main characteristics:1. Deep processing of information—which can make us amazing analysts and creative problem solvers or judgmental perfectionists!2.
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Apr 10, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
When I first began coaching managers, team leads, HR professionals and C Suite professionals, my focus was completely on helping them building skills to understand and navigate conflict and improve communication when things get tough. That is still an essential part of the work I do with clients, but I’ve realized over the years that I need to call what I do leadership coaching as well. Why?
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Apr 9, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
Genuine Question or Disguised Judgment? Asking genuine curious questions is a powerful tool to improve listening, get through road blocks in difficult conversations, and gain compassionate understanding of another person’s perspective. But even when you’re trying to be authentic and genuine, you might fall into the trap of asking rhetorical questions. They are not real questions (even if they look like it) but disguised judgments. How can you be sure your questions are helpful?
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Mar 26, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
Can you forgive and accept the whole world? Several months ago, I began a daily practice of using affirmations from a Course in Miracles workbook. One of the affirmations was,“I forgive the world.”When I read this, tears came to my eyes and I felt deep relief. I realized I had mistakenly assumed the responsibility of saving the entire world.
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Mar 7, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
I spoke with someone recently who was looking for a conflict coach for a colleague of hers. I knew pretty quickly that it would most likely not be a good fit, when she told me. “He is highly logical, understands the problem and just wants solutions.” Now, it is possible that her colleague has robust conflict transformation awareness and truly does see the problem clearly. But in my work, I find it a dangerous assumption. We think we understand what happened, but ignore other stories.
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Feb 28, 2024 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
Where peace is lost to conflict, how can we find it? Drawing inspiration for conflict transformation from science fiction. I often find science fiction novels thought provoking and inspiring. The ones I love most offer a hopeful vision of a better universe, and often include a hero’s journey that starts with inner and outer conflict, but lead the characters and the worlds to transformation and healing. I recently read one such book, Where Peace Is Lost by Valerie Valdes.
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Nov 11, 2023 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
Is an apology necessary before you can forgive someone? Absolutely not. Of course, forgiveness is a decision that only you can make for yourself, at a time you are ready, but, despite what you may have heard, there is no rule that says someone has to apologize prior to forgiveness. And the benefits of forgiving are many, for ourselves and for the people in our lives.
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Nov 4, 2023 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
An uncomfortable listening level can guide a difficult conversation. Are there topics or deep conversations that feel uncomfortable to you? Maybe you want to stick a finger in each ear and say, “la la la, I can’t hear you!”Can you hear me now? Recently, I went for a hearing test in preparation for getting new hearing aids. The technician did a number of different tests on my hearing, including how well I hear different sound ranges and different consonants in each ear.
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Oct 29, 2023 | 
mediate.com | Lorraine Segal
Do You Need a Framework or a Formula for Navigating Conflict? I spoke with someone recently who was looking for a conflict coach for a colleague of hers. I knew pretty quickly that it would most likely not be a good fit, when she told me. “He is highly logical, understands the problem and just wants solutions.” Now, it is possible that her colleague has robust conflict transformation awareness and truly does see the problem clearly. But in my work, I find it a dangerous assumption.
