Mark Crantz

Columnist at The Laguna Beach Independent

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Articles

Opinion: Pet Peeves - Oohs and Aahs

Oct 15, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzIt’s official. Drone fireworks are shot down. Incendiary fireworks are fired up for next year’s Fourth of July celebration. Residents expected this city council decision. Right before the vote, everybody ran to the other side of the room, turned their heads away and squinted their eyes in anticipation of city council lighting the fuse on fireworks that go BOOM!Wait. Wet the tips of your fingers, we may have to reconsider putting out this fuse before it’s too late.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Oct 11, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzI’ve got the essentials spread out on the dining room table. I’m down to which essentials I’ll put in the Go To Bag. The medicine is a must-have. Blood pressure tablets, anxiety pills, and I must not forget, the super-duper anxiety pills for the original anxiety pills that aren’t working enough. Then there’s the Post-It note with the hotline number to the 24/7 mental health therapists, who are trained to help save me from the claws of Western medicine. Damn those Flintstone vitamins.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Oct 4, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzIt’s official. Drone fireworks are shot down. Incendiary fireworks are fired up for next year’s Fourth of July celebration. Residents expected this city council decision. Right before the vote, everybody ran to the other side of the room, turned their heads away and squinted their eyes in anticipation of city council lighting the fuse on fireworks that go BOOM!Wait. Wet the tips of your fingers, we may have to reconsider putting out this fuse before it’s too late.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Sep 27, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzLet me start by way of an apology. I was on vacation recently. Scratch that. It was a three-day getaway. It’s over now, and I’m still unsure what we were getting away from. When we got back home, I looked around, and everything looked the same. I couldn’t find anything troubling to have caused the abrupt getaway. When my wife initially suggested the getaway I did ask her what we were getting away from. She told me it was none of my business and to just get in the car. I didn’t push it.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Sep 20, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzI want to go on the record. I have a good feeling. Actually, it’s a great feeling. I’m going to win the Mega Million Dollar lottery. “Really?” you ask. Yes, and that’s only half the good news. I’m going to win the Powerball lottery, too. And if the feeling can’t get any better, the wins will be in the same week, with the same set of numbers. And get this, the numbers are quick pick. I don’t even have to come up with them. Oh, what a feeling.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Sep 13, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzI was happy to hear about the new leadership of the local radio station, KXFM. The new team sounds perfect for turning up the volume and making the station even better. I was in radio once. I had the face for it. (That’s a very old joke, and not mine. You can tell the difference; it’s funny. Mine aren’t.) My radio days were in the mid-70s. Rock ‘n roll was big, and musicians needed to get their songs on the radio for airtime. This requirement put DJs in powerful positions of influence.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Sep 6, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzFootball is upon us. And every year, about this time, I think about Charlie Brown and the football he can’t kick because Lucy pulls it away from him. So hopeless. So unfair. Charlie Brown’s problem seems to be his alone. I’ve never seen anybody else in college or professional football suffer the same humiliation over and over. It’s endless. Although, I’ve heard open mic at the end of city council meetings can feel the same way. But city council comment time is not what I write about.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Aug 30, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzThe first thing I do in the morning is have a cup of coffee. The second thing I do in the morning is check my daily horoscope. It read, “Don’t drink coffee.”It was going to be one of those days. My moon always seems to be in retrograde. Translation: Doing number two is not the third thing I do every morning. My moon is unreliable. I used to be able to count on it. That was where I kept my brain. But now, in my twilight years, you can’t count on those things you used to take for granted.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Aug 23, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzMuch has been written about Laguna Beach’s audit report. Like, where is it? For six years, the report has been turned in late. Many residents think that where there is smoke, there is fire. Everybody but the fire department has looked for the fire. To date, the place hasn’t burned down, but the smoldering is in the air. People smell it. A new audit firm has been hired, and we’ll hear “I told you so” soon from everybody.
Opinion: Pet Peeves

Aug 16, 2024 | lagunabeachindy.com | Mark Crantz

By Mark D. CrantzCalling all cats. There is a new art installation at city hall. It’s two huge crows. So, ‘Hello Kitties,’ try taking down these 10-foot birds, and you won’t have to hunt ever again. It’s a feline happy meal for a lifetime. Now there’s a value meal. Ronald McDonald should listen to his cat. I’m not a cool cat when it comes to knowing good art from bad. So don’t leave it to me, readers, to tell you to like it or not.