Marty Smith

Portland

Columnist at Willamette Week

Willamette Week's "Dr. Know" and guitar player for PDX murder-pop phenoms Slutty Hearts. Avid indoorsman. Addicted to powdered cheese.

Articles

Is There Any Way to Tell Which Political Fundraising Texts Are Legit?

1 week ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

I receive a ton of Democratic Party-adjacent fundraising texts. I’m pretty sure a lot of them are scams, but I still feel a pang of guilt responding to progressive heroes like Pete Buttigieg or Elizabeth Warren with a bitchy “UNSUBSCRIBE.” Is there any way to tell which ones are legit and which I can nuke with a clear conscience? —Brisket QueenI used to worry about turning into a Republican.
Why Do Grocers Cover Their Potatoes at Night?

1 week ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

While grocery shopping at night, I’ve noticed the potatoes in the produce section being covered with some kind of blanket or tarp. I haven’t seen any other vegetables treated this way. Has the Oregon Liquor and Cannabis Commission banned potato sales after 9 pm? Or do the tubers have trouble sleeping with the light shining in their “eyes”? (Get it?) —Kathie L. Don’t quit your day job, Kathie.
Are Bars That Serve Hard Liquor Still Required to Serve Hot Food?

2 weeks ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

I have always heard that in Oregon, places that serve hard liquor are required to serve hot food, and the food is supposed to be some minimum percentage of total sales. Some places, however, offer only a few microwaved snacks that nobody buys. Is this yet another rule effectively killed by COVID? —Hungry BarflyCOVID certainly did turn our world upside down, Barfly.
Can I Flush My Dog’s Feces Down the Toilet So It Gets Treated Properly?

3 weeks ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

Can I flush my dog’s feces down the toilet so it gets treated properly? Would anybody buy special dog toilet paper to pick it up? Isn’t sealing poop in plastic a little bit stupid? —Warm and SteamyIf your plan is to flush your dog’s poop down the toilet, Steamy, I would argue that sealing it in a plastic bag makes at least as much sense as shoving it in your jeans pocket until you get home, but it’s your call.
Why Are Three Unfinished Freeway Off-Ramps Dangling Over the Void?

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

Between the Interstate 5–Interstate 84 interchange and the Fremont Bridge, there are at least three unfinished freeway off-ramps that just end, dangling over the void. Was the Oregon Department of Transportation planning for off-ramps they couldn’t ultimately afford, or were the engineers just hoping to set Portland up as the scene of an epic Speed-inspired bus jump? —Jackie M. There are certain questions I get asked over and over again.
Are There Any Rules About What You Can Sell Under the Name “Whiskey”?

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

I recently sampled a shot of McCormick’s, an extremely inexpensive whiskey. Frankly, it didn’t taste like whiskey at all; it was more like cheap vodka with some imitation butterscotch flavoring and maybe something to make it brown. Are there any rules about what you can and can’t sell under the name “whiskey”? —These Shots Are FiredI’m shocked that you think I—a pillar of the community whose temperance is rivaled only by his piety—would have any knowledge of such iniquities, Shots.
What Does It Mean to Say a Dog Is as Smart as a 2-Year-Old Child?

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

A dog trainer recently told me a dog has roughly the intellect of a 2- to 2½-year-old child. But what does that mean? Are we talking about understanding language? Emotional intelligence? Object permanence? Is this just one of those bogus factoids people repeat because they heard it somewhere? —Brian GriffinDepends on your definition of “bogus,” Brian. The claim comes from Dr. Stanley Coren’s 1994 book The Intelligence of Dogs.
Should I Panic About the Termite in the Fence Around My House?

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

While doing some repairs on the decaying cedar fence around my house, I saw a termite between the boards. If there’s one, I assume there are more. Should I be in full panic mode? I don’t want my house to get eaten because I did nothing. —House DutifulWe don’t hear much about termites in Portland these days, Dutiful.
Are Overhyped Weather Reports a Portland Thing?

2 months ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

So last week we were supposed to have a huge storm. Sixty mph winds! Golf ball-sized hail! Tornadoes! All we actually got was a little rain. This kind of thing seems to happen a lot. (How many times has a crippling ice storm failed to materialize?) My question is this: Are overhyped weather reports a Portland thing, or do they happen everywhere?
Masters Tournament Coverage on ESPN Offers Extensive, Multiplatform Viewing Options

2 months ago | bignewsnetwork.com | Laura Rutledge |Marty Smith

Reimagined Wednesday Schedule with Earlier 2 p.m. Television Start Time for Masters Par 3 Contest; Welcome to the Masters Show Added Disney+ Streaming Masters Par 3 Contest for First Time with ESPN+ Max Homa, Wyndham Clark To Be Analysts During Masters Par 3 Contest Coverage Four Days of Featured Groups, Holes, Two Practice Round Shows Streaming on ESPN+ In ESPN's 18th year of live coverage of the Masters Tournament, viewers will have extensive and multiple viewing options as the world's top...

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