Marty Smith

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

Do recreational drugs go bad? Asking for a friend. —Grownup Club KidIf you ever find yourself answering one of those online quizzes about “ways to say you’re middle-aged without actually saying you’re middle-aged,” you could do a lot worse than saying, “I’ve had the same vial of cocaine rolling around in my desk drawer for at least three years.” In my 20s, I used to joke that there was no such thing as leftover cocaine; now I find myself irritably shoving it aside to get to the dental floss.

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

One of those Biketown e-bikes has been chained to a pole near my house for several weeks, seemingly forgotten. I feel like I’ve seen quite a few other bikeshare bikes looking similarly abandoned recently. Has the Biketown experiment run its course? —Braking AwayAs a card-carrying member of Generation X—the cohort that perfected deadpan hipster cynicism—I’m in no position to complain about Americans’ reflexive assumption that everything is terrible.

1 month ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

Do we all still have to pay federal taxes if DOGE is deviating from what Congress authorized and appropriated in the budget? Or have we reached the “taxation without representation” phase of this oligarchy-in-the-making? —Fuck This ShitI often begin my columns with an off-topic joke. Today, I’m promoting a theory from pundit Kara Swisher, who suggests Elon Musk’s sudden interest in public service is less about streamlining government than about getting his hands on the government’s data.

2 months ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

A friend of mine, who lives in Oregon, recently got arrested in a distant red state and could be facing jail time (for an offense nobody would do time for here). While he’s awaiting trial, he can’t leave that state. But what happens after he’s paid his debt to society? Will he be stuck in Trump country for his entire post-release supervision, or can he get his case transferred to an Oregon parole officer?

2 months ago | wweek.com | Marty Smith

Over the past few months, I’ve seen quite a few “Student Driver” stickers on cars that don’t seem like driving instruction vehicles. Is this some kind of “Baby On Board” bandwagon trend, or are drivers just trying to get sympathy from the police if they get pulled over? —Nobody CaresAs I’m sure you can tell from my lustrous hair, sinewy physique, and godlike bladder control, Nobody, I’m far too young to recall the 1980s “Baby On Board” trend myself—like Jack Benny, I’m 39 and always have been.