Mick Booker

Of course you don’t look a total maniac in the changing rooms rolling this EVERYWHERE https://t.co/eguXmTDZ3d

Nothing more satisfying than for someone to push in front at a train ticket gate only for them to forlornly flap their phone around for ages in front of the sensor when their card isn’t working.

9pm tonight - a big strategic discussion with Boris Johnson. Only on GB News

GB News @GBNEWS

'Join us for a very big strategic discussion on all the big issues of today!' Don’t miss former PM Boris Johnson in an exclusive sit-down with Patrick Christys. 📺 Tonight at 9pm on GB News — bold takes, big topics, and Boris unleashed. @BorisJohnson|@PatrickChristys https://t.co/UT79YCaIaH

Grandad Corcoran https://t.co/sSZTBJrGyS

I’m in every picture but no one notices that’s me going up the stairs dressed as a hedge covered in flowers. https://t.co/SBGOoM6JCO

Farewell old friend. Off to sit on the big laundry basket in the sky. RIP Shadow 2008-2024 https://t.co/M08iZnR3m1

£33 for 20 First class stamps. How are we now a place where some people on fixed incomes have to choose between heating/eating or sending family at the other end of the country a simple Christmas greeting. Nuts.

I’ve asked for a load of golf wear for Christmas even though I don’t play and have no intention of starting. I’ve just suddenly started likening the look of it. Please don’t laugh at me in the New Year or whisper ‘get a load of Greg Norman’ as I pass you in the street.

Just walked past the Salavation army brass band in town - always brings me to happy tears and today is no exception

At last, socks are back in. I was tired of wrapping napkins, paper or plastic bags around my feet this last year while they were out of favour. https://t.co/DRJEOMHJhs

Big coats still in fashion after coming into fashion again a couple of weeks ago. Will check in again next week on how big coats are faring but I think as we approach late December coats will be key. Particularly big ones. https://t.co/fwneig09u2

People who do The Butterfly stroke in public swimming baths should be on a watchlist.

My wife, who clearly is never irritated by me, reports a secret epidemic of annoying men between 40 and 60 on trains sighing loudly and regularly.

I’ve developed zero tolerance for people who say ‘ooh I’m getting my steps in tonight’ when all they are doing is walking slightly further or faster than normal. The human race existed happily without this phrase until about 2010.

After starting a day with bumping my head on a taxi door at 6am and shouting at the rain it has ended with getting home to a Dartford crossing fine and paying to repair next door’s roof after a builder went up to fix a leak on our roof and broke theirs in the meantime. Terrific.

I’m in that nice false hope period where I know a Brit has won the £177m lotto jackpot but I haven’t checked my ticket. As the taxi crawls through the flooded roads I’m thinking the first thing I’ll do after winning is fly to LA then buy a house from the Selling Sunset people.

I’ve already banged my head on a taxi door and swore loudly at the weather. Today already seems loaded with blessings…