Nancy Slater

I legit thought this was a story about Pete Davidson until I read the headline. https://t.co/rRUPTvuTD3

There are two types of people in this world. Those that immediately picture The Huxtables on the stairs when they hear (Night Time Is) The Right Time by Ray Charles. And those that don't.

Just here eating popcorn while @elonmusk continues to say: https://t.co/KQV0ZOAzgq

My big takeaway from The Patient on @DisneyPlus is that apparently serial killers pee. A LOT.

I just want to take all of the counselling dialogue from @SteveCarell in The Patient and make it one big, relaxing, let it all go, ASMR loop. Drift me off to sleep, Steve, while I work out my family issues. And as a bonus maybe I won't kill someone.

Life Tip #247 If you have to use an allen key you will drop it repeatedly and it will make you feel like you're drunk when you're not. Therefore: You may as well drink before using one...because the result will be the same.

One of these days my stubbornness will lead to my demise and I'll be found under a big piece of furniture I tried to move myself. Today was not that day.

RT @joshgad: There it is!

The best thing about Avenue 5 is @joshgad borrowing Vince Neil's look. https://t.co/PJSTSfxzSD

We have taken a step back to women being considered property.

Wesley Colvin @TruUKFan

Truer words will never be spoken about abortion. I miss George Carlin. https://t.co/jt5r3fPp4O

I love how streaming services always ask me who's watching like they optimistically anticipate a change in my dating/child status.

It's a dark day, my friends. I'm angry and heartbroken. https://t.co/bR366fU1G0

I think my passport needs to be renewed in 2026. Should I apply now?

I'm surprised @TD_Canada didn't hang me upside down from my ankles and shake the change out of my pockets. Kinda gross. https://t.co/O64MabPn9B

I thought I was going insane but the consensus is the new @instagram update is actual shit. I can't scroll more than a few pics and the feed is now mostly reels, which I hate. Byeeeeeeeeee!

Give us the edit feature we've wanted forever and we'll think it over.

Elon Musk @elonmusk

I hope that even my worst critics remain on Twitter, because that is what free speech means

Sorry. Not sorry. https://t.co/fxspW975b6