Nellie Bowles

1 week ago | thefp.com | Sean Fischer |Nellie Bowles

Hello! It’s me, Sean, Bari’s assistant. If you’re wondering why Nellie is sharing this byline with me, don’t. I’m here. That’s all that matters. Nellie solemnly told me last week that I was “ready” to lead TGIF, and that “my time had come” to share the heavy mantle. But all I heard was: “I have a birthday dinner and want to leave early.” Which, fair enough. You only turn 37 26once, I guess. As for me? I’ve trained for this my entire life. Be kind in the comments.

2 weeks ago | thefp.com | Nellie Bowles

Hello and welcome. As a good American, my mood tracks the stock market, which is to say I feel muddled, stuck, kind of okay, but also ready to collapse. → Yippy: After tariffs officially set in, hitting a 100-year high this week, Trump finally blinked. He blamed Americans for getting “yippy” and “afraid.” And so the tariffs are paused, except a blanket 10 percent, and then of course a huge one just on China, which makes sense! In the end, did it all work out well?

3 weeks ago | thefp.com | Nellie Bowles

Welcome back to the week in review told from the perspective of The Free Press’s least informed columnist. If it’s messy it’s because we’re having an office party, and I can’t miss lawsuit opportunities like that. I recently told my TGIF helper Sean that blonds such as himself don’t age well, so he should enjoy his youth. And that was just this Tuesday morning—at night, and there are going to be drinks? By next week I’ll be in jail.

4 weeks ago | thefp.com | Nellie Bowles

Welcome back to where we do the news but, if you can imagine it, faker:‚Üí The Signal and the Boyz: Two weeks ago, key members of the Trump administration‚ÄĒPete Hegseth, Tulsi Gabbard, J.D. Vance, Marco Rubio, National Security Adviser Mike Waltz, CIA director John Ratcliffe, and others‚ÄĒstarted a Houthi war text chain on Signal, which lets one easily send encrypted disappearing messages. Incidentally, they also addedAtlantic editor in chief Jeffrey Goldberg.

1 month ago | thefp.com | Nellie Bowles

Welcome back. This one is shorter than usual (a mere 4,500 words) because people keep telling me lies like I’m “rambling” and “out of control” and “a little too drunk for preschool pickup.”→ Dark new polls for the Dems despite all the opportunities: The Democratic Party’s popularity is hitting new lows.