Roger Alford

2 weeks ago | lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford

A husband walked out in the yard to find his wife in tears. He asked what was wrong. “Just look at that flower I planted last week,” she said, pointing to a lifeless clump of brown leaves. “It’s dead. I am a terrible gardener.”“Oh, you’re not a terrible gardener,” the husband said, trying to console his wife. “That flower should have tried harder.”The Bible tells us that trying hard is crucial if we, as people, are to do well in life. Colossians 3:23 says whatever we do, do heartily as unto the Lord.

3 weeks ago | lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford

A lady was having a group of women from her church over for dinner and she wanted to serve them something extraordinary. “Our little boy has picked a basket of mushrooms,” her husband said. “Why don’t you serve them at your dinner?”“Are you sure they’re safe to eat?” the lady asked. “I think so, but, if you want to be certain, we can feed a couple to the beagle and see how he fares.”The beagle ate the mushrooms and went off chasing a rabbit. “See that,” the husband said. “They’re safe.

1 month ago | lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford

I heard a story the other day about the city slicker who visited a farm for the very first time. He was fascinated by all he saw and had lots of questions for the farmer. “Why doesn’t that cow over there have horns,” he asked. “Well, some breeds of cattle don’t grow horns,” the farmer explained. “Others do, and we cut them off so they’re not a danger to other cattle or to people. Sometimes, when they’re small calves, we put dehorning paste on them, and they dissolve.

1 month ago | sentinel-echo.com | Roger Alford

I loved the opening line the 97-year-old preacher used in a sermon the other day. “We both have something in common,” he began. “You don’t know what I’m going to say — and neither do I.”kAmw2G:?8 8C@H? FA :? E96 pAA2=249:2?D[ x <?@H =@ED @7 AC62496CD H9@ DE6A :?E@ E96 AF=A:E ?@E DFC6 H92E E96J’== D2J 3642FD6 E96J ECFDE E92E E96 {@C5 H:== 8:G6 E96> H@C5D] (C:EE6? D4C:AED 2C6 7C@H?65 @?] $@ 2C6 @FE=:?6D 2?5 6G6?

1 month ago | lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford

A fellow walked out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather clock he’d just purchased. He had always wanted one and was happy to shell out big bucks for such a great find. The fellow made it onto the sidewalk when an old drunk bumped into him, knocking the clock out of his hands. It broke all to pieces on the concrete. “Look what you did,” the fellow said angrily. “Why don’t you just wear a wristwatch like everyone else?” the old drunk asked.