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1 day ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
I can’t help but laugh when I think of the story I heard long ago about the young preacher’s visit with an elderly widow who, upset about losing her dentures, needed to be consoled. The preacher sat on the sofa and nibbled from a dish of peanuts on the end table while he tried to cheer her with the latest news about her church friends. Before long he realized he had made a real pig of himself and apologized to the woman for having eaten every last one of her peanuts. She responded: “It’s OK honey.
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2 weeks ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A weightlifter had come up with a surefire way to make some extra money. He would take a lemon in his big powerful hand and squeeze all the juice out of it. Then he’d make bets that no one would be able to squeeze out even one more drop. No matter how many people tried, no one was able to get another drop out of a lemon that this man with the bulging muscles had squeezed. That is until a scrawny little guy came along. People laughed the skinny fellow to shame, but he wasn’t discouraged.
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3 weeks ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
One of my favorite breeds of dog has always been the Mountain Feist, primarily because they’re so incredibly smart. Those who own these wiry little dogs would tell you their intelligence is off the charts. With that in mind, let me tell you about the fellow who took his Mountain Feist along on an African safari. According to the tale, the little dog wandered off to do some exploring on his own when he saw a leopard running right for him.
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4 weeks ago | 
sentinel-echo.com | Roger Alford
A doctor was impressed that his patient was in such great shape. “You must get lots of exercise,” the doctor said.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A mom who asked her little boy what he wanted for Christmas was a bit surprised by his answer. “I’d like a brother,” the little fellow said. “Oh, that’s a big gift,” the mom responded. “Why do you want a brother?”“Well,” the boy said, “there’s only so much I can blame on my dog.”That old joke reminds me just how handy dogs are. They’re always glad to listen to you. They’ll even act interested as you talk. They’re always ready to lounge around with you on a rainy day.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A man making his first skydive was falling through the air, unable to get his parachute to open. Try as he might, it wasn’t budging. In a panic, he yelled to a fellow who was flying up toward him: “Hey buddy, do you know anything about parachutes?”“No,” the fellow responded. “Do you know anything about propane stoves?”Sounds like the fellows in that old joke needed to read the instructions before they strapped on the parachute or struck the match to light that stove.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
You may remember the story about the husband who had read one of those self-help books called “How to be a Real Man.” After finishing the book, he stormed into the kitchen, pointed his finger in his wife’s face and said:“From now on, you’d better realize I’m the man of the house and my word is law. I want you to cook three meals a day for me, complete with dessert. When I finish my supper, I want you to prepare me a bath so I can relax.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
Perhaps you heard about the brothers down the road who used a saw to cut several inches from a joist at the top of their barn door so that their mule could fit through without his ears rubbing. A neighbor dropped by and asked what they were doing. They explained that the opening needed to be higher for their mule. “Why don’t you just get a shovel and dig some dirt away at the bottom?” the neighbor asked. “Well, that’s silly,” one of the brothers said.
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2 months ago | 
sentinel-echo.com | Roger Alford
You may have heard about the fellow who went into a pet shop where he saw three parrots, all of which looked identical except for their prices. One was $1,000. One was $2,000. And one was $10,000. kAm“(9J 5@ J@F 92G6 5:776C6?E AC:46D @? E9@D6 A2CC@EDn x 42?’E D66 2?J 5:776C6?46D[” E96 76==@H D2:5]k^Am kAm“(6==[” E96 A6E D9@A @H?6C D2:5[ “E92E A2CC@E @? E96 =67E <?@HD 9@H E@ FD6 2 4@>AFE6C] p?5 E96 @?6 :? E96 >:55=6 42?
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2 months ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
Bubba was showing his lazy side, sitting on the couch doing nothing all day except watching football on TV when his wife yelled from upstairs:“Do you ever get a sharp pain in your backside like someone has a voodoo doll and is poking you with a needle?”“No,” Bubba yelled back. “How about now?” his wife asked. It sounds like it might have been time for Bubba to turn off the TV, get off that couch, and get busy helping around the house.
