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1 week ago | 
sentinel-echo.com | Roger Alford
A doctor was impressed that his patient was in such great shape. “You must get lots of exercise,” the doctor said.
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2 weeks ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A mom who asked her little boy what he wanted for Christmas was a bit surprised by his answer. “I’d like a brother,” the little fellow said. “Oh, that’s a big gift,” the mom responded. “Why do you want a brother?”“Well,” the boy said, “there’s only so much I can blame on my dog.”That old joke reminds me just how handy dogs are. They’re always glad to listen to you. They’ll even act interested as you talk. They’re always ready to lounge around with you on a rainy day.
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3 weeks ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A man making his first skydive was falling through the air, unable to get his parachute to open. Try as he might, it wasn’t budging. In a panic, he yelled to a fellow who was flying up toward him: “Hey buddy, do you know anything about parachutes?”“No,” the fellow responded. “Do you know anything about propane stoves?”Sounds like the fellows in that old joke needed to read the instructions before they strapped on the parachute or struck the match to light that stove.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
You may remember the story about the husband who had read one of those self-help books called “How to be a Real Man.” After finishing the book, he stormed into the kitchen, pointed his finger in his wife’s face and said:“From now on, you’d better realize I’m the man of the house and my word is law. I want you to cook three meals a day for me, complete with dessert. When I finish my supper, I want you to prepare me a bath so I can relax.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
Perhaps you heard about the brothers down the road who used a saw to cut several inches from a joist at the top of their barn door so that their mule could fit through without his ears rubbing. A neighbor dropped by and asked what they were doing. They explained that the opening needed to be higher for their mule. “Why don’t you just get a shovel and dig some dirt away at the bottom?” the neighbor asked. “Well, that’s silly,” one of the brothers said.
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1 month ago | 
sentinel-echo.com | Roger Alford
You may have heard about the fellow who went into a pet shop where he saw three parrots, all of which looked identical except for their prices. One was $1,000. One was $2,000. And one was $10,000. kAm“(9J 5@ J@F 92G6 5:776C6?E AC:46D @? E9@D6 A2CC@EDn x 42?’E D66 2?J 5:776C6?46D[” E96 76==@H D2:5]k^Am kAm“(6==[” E96 A6E D9@A @H?6C D2:5[ “E92E A2CC@E @? E96 =67E <?@HD 9@H E@ FD6 2 4@>AFE6C] p?5 E96 @?6 :? E96 >:55=6 42?
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
Bubba was showing his lazy side, sitting on the couch doing nothing all day except watching football on TV when his wife yelled from upstairs:“Do you ever get a sharp pain in your backside like someone has a voodoo doll and is poking you with a needle?”“No,” Bubba yelled back. “How about now?” his wife asked. It sounds like it might have been time for Bubba to turn off the TV, get off that couch, and get busy helping around the house.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
One of Bubba’s co-workers saw him eating pickled pigs feet for lunch and scolded him. “You know people who eat pork die young,” the co-worker said. “I’ll have you know my grandmother lived to be 103,” Bubba said. “Did she eat pickled pig’s feet,” the co-worker asked.
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1 month ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A husband walked out in the yard to find his wife in tears. He asked what was wrong. “Just look at that flower I planted last week,” she said, pointing to a lifeless clump of brown leaves. “It’s dead. I am a terrible gardener.”“Oh, you’re not a terrible gardener,” the husband said, trying to console his wife. “That flower should have tried harder.”The Bible tells us that trying hard is crucial if we, as people, are to do well in life. Colossians 3:23 says whatever we do, do heartily as unto the Lord.
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2 months ago | 
lakegastongazette-observer.com | Roger Alford
A lady was having a group of women from her church over for dinner and she wanted to serve them something extraordinary. “Our little boy has picked a basket of mushrooms,” her husband said. “Why don’t you serve them at your dinner?”“Are you sure they’re safe to eat?” the lady asked. “I think so, but, if you want to be certain, we can feed a couple to the beagle and see how he fares.”The beagle ate the mushrooms and went off chasing a rabbit. “See that,” the husband said. “They’re safe.
