Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

2 months ago | irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

So it’s finally here, the day that I meet my brother slash half-brother, and Sorcha has gone into full Fussapalooza mode. She goes, “And don’t keep bringing the conversation back to rugby.”I’m there, “Hey, I’m capable of talking about more than just rugby, Sorcha.”She’s like, “Ross, you literally took out your Leinster Schools Senior Cup medal when we sat down with the priest to talk about getting married.”I’m there, “He asked me what did I have hanging around my neck.

2 months ago | irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

So – yeah, no – I grab a stick of Heinemite from the fridge and I ask Sorcha, “Who’s the kid in the bow tie?”The reason I ask is because I don’t trust kids in bow ties. I’m on the record as saying that putting a bow tie on any human being turns him straight away into an insufferable dickhead. We’re talking nightclub bouncers. We’re talking wine waiters. We’re talking clowns. And we’re definitely talking children.

2 months ago | irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Honor is sitting at her computer doing fock knows what? Although I’d be shocked if it was homework. I’m there, “Honor, I need you to brace yourself – for some news.”Straight away, she goes, “Okay, let me guess – ”But I’m like, “No, Honor, I’m not going to stand here for 10 minutes while you rack your brains, trying to think of hurtful things to say about me and my quite possibly rugby career.”She goes, “I wouldn’t need to rack my brains?

2 months ago | irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

She’s sitting in the window of the, whatever you want to call it, nursing home, playing the piano – badly, I might add – and I get a sudden flashback to my childhood. This is what she did whenever we had, like, visitors coming to the gaff. She’d hear the cor approaching and then she’d plonk herself down on the piano stool and stort cranking out Imagine with her eyes lightly closed and the window slightly ajor and pretend that this was basically how she passed her days.

Mar 29, 2025 | irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

For, like, 30 seconds, I’m as quiet as Thomond Pork since 2019 and the dude ends up having to repeat himself. He goes, “Ross, did you hear me? I said this is Brett. I’m your, I suppose, half-brother?”I’m sitting in the cor, in the Killiney Hill cor pork, still trying to, like, process it. I’m actually shaking, like Thomond Pork used to shake – again, before 2019. He’s like, “Look, I’ve obviously caught you at a bad moment.