
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
Columnist at Irish Times
Lover. Kicker. Role model. New book, 'Don't Look Back in Ongar', coming in August. You can pre-order it here... https://t.co/Jv2hiVaHuP
Articles
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3 weeks ago |
irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
This is most definitely not how it was supposed to be? Yeah, no, Sorcha dreamt that one day she would have a daughter who would follow in her footsteps as head girl of Mount Anville, but she’s actually dreading what’s going to happen tonight, when Honor delivers the valedictory at the sixth-year graduation. “Can I even read your speech?” Sorcha goes. But Honor’s like, “There’s no speech. What I have to say is all in my head.”This is us in the cor, by the way, on the way to the school.
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4 weeks ago |
irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
So – yeah, no – the old dear is in the swimming pool when we rock up to the nursing home, doing her – I don’t know – hydrotherapy exercises? She’s dancing to Shania Twain’s Man! I Feel Like a Woman! while holding a beach ball and she has singlehandedly cured me of my fetish for women in wet swimwear. Brett goes, “Should we, em, come back when she’s, em ... ”But I’m like, “Dude, don’t sweat it. She doesn’t have the embarrassment gene.
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1 month ago |
irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
Brett asks me what she was like when she was younger. I’m like, “Who?”He goes, “Our mother.”And it’s random because I’ve never thought of the old dear ever being – like he said – young. Of course, there’s a lot of things I could say in answer to his question. I could tell him that she never forgave me for her waters breaking in the Turner Exhibition Room in the National Gallery.
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1 month ago |
irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
So it’s finally here, the day that I meet my brother slash half-brother, and Sorcha has gone into full Fussapalooza mode. She goes, “And don’t keep bringing the conversation back to rugby.”I’m there, “Hey, I’m capable of talking about more than just rugby, Sorcha.”She’s like, “Ross, you literally took out your Leinster Schools Senior Cup medal when we sat down with the priest to talk about getting married.”I’m there, “He asked me what did I have hanging around my neck.
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1 month ago |
irishtimes.com | Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
So – yeah, no – I grab a stick of Heinemite from the fridge and I ask Sorcha, “Who’s the kid in the bow tie?”The reason I ask is because I don’t trust kids in bow ties. I’m on the record as saying that putting a bow tie on any human being turns him straight away into an insufferable dickhead. We’re talking nightclub bouncers. We’re talking wine waiters. We’re talking clowns. And we’re definitely talking children.
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He’s obviously saving Don’t Look Back in Ongar for the Christmas holliers.

I always look forward to sharing my annual list of favorite books, movies, and music. Today I’ll start by sharing some of the books that have stuck with me long after I finished reading them. Check them out this holiday season, preferably at an independent bookstore or library! https://t.co/NNcAnaFzdU

My homage to The Bear Christmas special. Today’s column… https://t.co/vOWyMMBbAM

"There are some things that I need to say – especially with this being my last Christmas.” Today's column and audio... https://t.co/eAq0ZIsXfn