Serge Bielanko

1 week ago | tinnitist.com | Serge Bielanko

“A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you the less you know.”— Diane ArbusWe did a tour. It was long ago now, before I had three kids. I had two then. And in the picture I have from the day we were leaving, they are in my arms, sagging in my grasp. It is a photo I hadn’t seen in such a while that I had forgotten it existed. With photographs you either are looking at them or you aren’t. And if you aren’t, then the memory is probably faded or even gone.

1 week ago | sergebielanko.substack.com | Serge Bielanko

A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you the less you know. -Diane ArbusWe did a tour. It was long ago now, before I had three kids. I had two then. And in the picture I have from the day we were leaving, they are in my arms, sagging in my grasp. It is a photo I hadn’t seen in such a while that I had forgotten it existed. With photographs you either are looking at them or you aren’t. And if you aren’t, then the memory is probably faded or even gone.

2 weeks ago | sergebielanko.substack.com | Serge Bielanko

When the lambs is lost in the mountain, he said. They is cry. Sometime come the mother. Sometime the wolf. - Cormac McCarthy, Blood MeridianBy the recycling dumpsters down in Centre Hall, I am pushing a trash bag of cans into a dark space when I hear the goats. They make goat sounds from across the big road, from their pen in a small field behind the Dunkin’ Donuts, and I hear them and I stop what I’m up to. Many, many years ago, I tell myself, I was a dirt farmer in a far off land.

4 weeks ago | sergebielanko.substack.com | Serge Bielanko

Yesterday on the later side of the evening, I was sitting in the back door listening to Billie Holiday. I had no booze in me and none in a glass. I had eaten a bunch of cheeseburger quesadillas I made for the kids and I was feeling like a statue. I needed to sit down with my art. The evening was half decent/ warm, I guess/ but it could have stormed. Things were sunny and gray at the same time. Sometimes the sky is both. Sometimes I’m both, too.

1 month ago | tinnitist.com | Serge Bielanko

jawn /jôn/ noun – (chiefly in the greater Philadelphia metropolitan area) used to refer to a thing, place, person, or event that one need not or cannot give a specific name to. Jawn is a neutral, all-purpose noun used to reference any person, place, situation, or object. In casual conversation, it takes the place of the word ‘thing’. My hair in the front is thinning out pretty fast. I look in the mirror, see my scalp at times; it’s yet another surreal reminder that I am dying.