Simon Barnes

2 weeks ago | observer.co.uk | Simon Barnes

Each week Simon Barnes hears what the last seven days has been like for a member of the animal kingdom I’m a vegetarian. Humans call me docile, though spiders have another view. But I can sting all right, for the sting is the pride and glory of a wasp – and my sting is the most painful of any insect: “Blinding, fierce and shockingly electric,” says Justin Schmidt, a hymenopterist (an expert in bees, ants and wasps) so he should know. MondayI have an egg to lay and that means action.

3 weeks ago | observer.co.uk | Simon Barnes

Each week Simon Barnes hears what the last seven days has been like for a member of the animal kingdom I’m a cetti’s warbler and my business is with other cettis. But I can’t help but come across those humans in the course of the daily round of song and love. Do I think they’re stupid? Certainly not. I know they’re stupid. I shout an inconvenient truth at the very top of my voice, and it’s a voice that carries a fair old distance. And you know what? They don’t listen. I doubt if they even hear.

1 month ago | observer.co.uk | Simon Barnes

Each week Simon Barnes hears what the last seven days has been like for a member of the animal kingdom I happen to think that maternal care – mother-love if you prefer – is the most important thing in the world. Being a loving mother myself, I also take a considerable pride in our greatest achievement. We tsetse flies have created one of greatest wonders on the entire planet. MondayA good day. A bloody good day as we tsetses say.

1 month ago | observer.co.uk | Simon Barnes

Each week, Simon Barnes hears what the last seven days has been like for a member of the animal kingdom Don’t get me started on critics. A true creative artist has no time for them. OK, we’ve been misunderstood and misrepresented for centuries: but for me what matters is the music. Only and ever the music. What else should matter to a nightingale? MondayI prefer to sing at night.

1 month ago | observer.co.uk | Simon Barnes

Each week, Simon Barnes describes what the last seven days has been like for a member of the animal kingdom I’m seriously considering landing this year. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m beginning to feel that I’ve been up here too long. The sky is the loveliest place on earth, don’t get me wrong. But maybe there’s something to be said for a visit down below. I might even perch for a bit. MondayAfrica was great. I stayed there three months, but didn’t touch it once.