Stephanie Hayes

5 days ago | tampabay.com | Stephanie Hayes

They were studying for finals and grabbing snacks from the student union on a gossamer spring day. Each flashcard and burrito and blanket on a lawn comprised the unspoken curriculum of life. A crop of new adults becoming who they will be. And then the thing happened. Let’s be honest, the thing they always knew was coming. The thing they’ve been training for their whole lives. Today’s university students were raised hiding, after all.

1 week ago | tampabay.com | Stephanie Hayes

Hey, you look a little listless, wan from the drudgeries of dry land. With temperatures heating up and school sprinting to a close, maybe you’re contemplating travel. A cruise? Picture it: Sunshine, SPF, tropical bevvies, over-the-counter antidiarrheal medications, conga lines…Hm? Well, my favorite would have to be a classic piña colada. Oh, the stomach stuff. Yeah, no biggie, but if you’re hitting the high seas soon, consider filling up a fake shampoo bottle with Imodium and Pepto.

3 weeks ago | tampabay.com | Stephanie Hayes

I set out to walk my dog one morning this week and discovered the atmosphere had shifted. Our recent walks have constituted pleasant rituals with mild temperatures, chirping birdies and an air of merriment and mirth. This time, though, a familiar thicket of humidity had descended on the neighborhood block, oppressive, elephantine, a weighted blanket that causes anxiety rather than relieves it. Oh. Oh no. A neighbor lumbered past on his fitness walk. “The party’s over,” he declared, huffing and shiny.

3 weeks ago | tampabay.com | Stephanie Hayes

Eyes up, children. It’s 2025, and you can say goodbye to Takis and Mountain Dew Code Red by the pool. Government is getting more efficient, and fast. That means everyone will have to work harder, including those of you with a still-soft prefrontal cortex. It’s time you learned a few things about life. We’re dumping boring meetings held in drafty conference rooms in favor of planning military strikes via emoji. And waste? We don’t know her.

4 weeks ago | tampabay.com | Stephanie Hayes

Action required: Review the following information found in the shadowy crevices of your email’s spam folder between a coupon for Office Depot and six LinkedIn alerts. It regards your coverage eligibility with Citizens Insurance. Do not delete this. Dear VALUED FLORIDA HOMEOWNER,You have received an offer of property insurance coverage from one or more private-market companies participating in Citizens’ Depopulation Program.