Tam Cowan

Glasgow

Columnist at Scottish Daily Record

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Articles

Tam Cowan: "Smoking will stunt a Snow White dwarf's growth...oh yes it will."

Nov 29, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

According to the latest research, embarrassing typos and autocorrect fails are two of the reasons why four in 10 Brits have sent text messages they instantly regretted. I think the main issue here is that a lot of folk nowadays – particularly the youngsters – simply lack a basic grasp of the written language.
Tam Cowan: All that glitters is litter... and I'd gift wrap the Chopper too

Nov 22, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

Let's start with a wee message for all you insomniacs… only two more sleeps until Christmas! Yes, folks, whether you like it or not, Christmas is just around the corner. If you don’t believe me, just look at all the Easter eggs on supermarket shelves… And here’s some early, important advice. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents has warned that lithium button batteries – common in Christmas gifts – can prove fatal if swallowed.
Tam Cowan: Sex lasts a long time for me - but I do have a very old computer...

Nov 8, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

Let’s start today’s column with a few fascinating facts. For example, did you know the grey squirrel is one of the most intelligent creatures in the British countryside? They’re rarely a victim of roadkill as, whenever the furry little creatures see headlights approaching, they very cleverly lie directly between the two beams to let the vehicle pass over it.Yep, the grey squirrel’s only natural predator, it would appear, is the Reliant Robin… Meanwhile, were you aware that grapes boost vision?
Tam Cowan: "My fee for roofing awards wasn't great......but it was just a quote"

Nov 1, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

So, how did your finances fare on Budget Day? Personally speaking, I did rather nicely, thanks for asking. Instead of watching that tedious guff on Wednesday afternoon, I popped round to the bookies and stuck 50 quid on Aberdeen to beat Rangers at 3/1. Think that sounds tasty? I also had a cheeky wee fiver at 100/1 on Phillippe ‘Disappointing’ Clement blaming the defeat on a toenail… I still can’t believe the high-flying Dons were 3/1 against Gers.
Tam Cowan: 'Ally McCoist on I'm A Celeb would be so good I might even watch it'

Oct 11, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

I'll tell you shumfin’ and I absholutely mean thish, I think Ally McCoist would be shimply shenshational on I’m A Celeb. And the best football pundit in the country reckons he might be up for it as he’d shift some weight in the jungle. You better believe it, Ally. If memory serves, previous contestant Caitlyn Jenner lost two stones before she even went ON the show… But forget about losing a stone and a half, Coisty.
Tam Cowan: "You know what, Dougie? I might even read the golf bits."

Sep 27, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

AFTER 30 years of co-presenting Off the Ball on BBC Radio Scotland – twice a week since 1994 for about 3000 programmes – I haven’t a Scooby just how many guests have joined us in the studio. But judging by the reaction to last Saturday’s show, I think Dougie Donnelly will be remembered as one of the very best.
Tam Cowan: "Sacked by Saints" is a bad look on Craig's CV...but its no worse than "I worked for Saints"

Sep 20, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

And we start this week’s column with some good news, folks. It would appear that, within the next two years, every single one of Glasgow’s potholes will be fixed. Yep, the Dear Green Place has been awarded the 2026 Commonwealth Games! So you know what that means. Just like the glory days of 2014, the entire city will be getting a tidy up. For example, there’s talk of smartening up Sauchiehall Street by dropping a nuclear bomb on it.
Tam Cowan: 'Jason Donovan is so wooden I got a skelf from shaking his hand'

Sep 13, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

As my mugshot at the top of the page will confirm, I’ve spent most of my adult life as a dead-ringer for Harold Bishop from Neighbours. So picture my excitement, dear reader, when I got the chance to work last week with former Ramsay Street pin-up Jason Donovan?!? Whisper it, but I was a huge fan of the long-running Aussie soap when it first appeared on our screens – Monday to Friday at 1.35pm – back in the mid-80s. And each episode was repeated, you may recall, on BBC1 at 5.35pm.
Tam Cowan: 'I paid every penny of tax owed...even the £8.50 for hosting The Hour'

Sep 6, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

What’s a pelican got in common with the HMRC? That’s right – they can both stick their bills up their arse. Don’t actually agree with the essence of that old gag, to be honest. If you’ve earned the money, pay your dues. That’s how society works. And since I started paying income tax, what, 35 years ago, I’ve been happy to fork out every penny I owe. (Yep, including the £8.50 bill I received for my stint co-presenting The Hour on STV…) Why shouldn’t I stump up with a smile?
Tam Cowan: Some might say the fanfare should have been for me and Cosgrove

Aug 30, 2024 | dailyrecord.co.uk | Tam Cowan

On a personal note, I could understand all the fuss if it was The Carpenters, The Everly Brothers or even 1982 one-hit wonders Renee & Renato re-uniting (mainly as we’d require the services of a very good spiritualist). But Oasis? A manky-looking Beatles tribute act? Quite frankly, I’d sooner see the Khmer Rouge getting back together.