Witney Seibold

United States

Writer and Critic at Freelance

Co-Host at Critically Acclaimed Network

Staff Writer at /Film

Critic, essayist, semi-talented snot. Co-host of @CriticAcclaim & @CanceledCast. Senior staff writer @SlashFilm He/him. 💖💜💙 @witneyseibold.bsky.social

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Articles

This '80s Crime Movie Spoof Has One Of The Strangest Premises Of All Time

2 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

The concept for James Lorinz's proposed crime movie "Swirlee" makes for a strange elevator pitch. Do you remember Mister Softee? Kids on the East coast likely know about him. He was the smiling mascot of a local ice cream truck company, a man with a gigantic soft-serve ice cream cone for a head. Well, what if Mister Softee was a real human being whose ice-cream-head was the result of a rare medical condition? Also, what if he was in deep with the mob?
Patrick Stewart Requested One Major Change In Star Trek: First Contact

2 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

In Jonathan Frakes' 1996 film "Star Trek: First Contact," the Borg — an invading force of malevolent cyborgs — had formed an attack plan against Earth, and boy howdy, was it complicated. At first, they tried a frontal assault in one of their cube-shaped ships, but Starfleet fought them off. That, however, was only Plan A. AdvertisementPlan B: While their ship was exploding, a miniature Borg envoy fled the scene and opened a time portal to the year 2063 (!).
Patrick Stewart Requested One Major Change In Star Trek: First Contact

2 days ago | flipboard.com | Witney Seibold

20 hours agoHow Much Would It Cost To Build The Starship Enterprise From Star Trek? Within the universe of "Star Trek," we actually know exactly how much it cost to build the U.S.S. Enterprise: exactly zero dollars and zero cents. …22 hours agoStar Trek: The Next Generation Made The Smartest Change To Starfleet's Delta BadgeStar Trek: The Next Generation made the smartest change to Starfleet's iconic delta badge.
The Real-Life Influence Behind George Costanza's Quitting Job Bit On Seinfeld

2 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

In the "Seinfeld" episode "The Revenge" (April 18, 1991), George (Jason Alexander) has become fed up with his boring office job and wants to quit. Specifically, George is outraged by the fact that he was barred access to his company's executive washroom. He storms into his boss' office early in the episode and goes on a wrathful tirade about how his boss, Mr. Levitan (Fred Applegate), is a talentless hack and that he has no thoughts in his head. George yells, "I quit!" and angrily storms out.
How Much Would It Cost To Build The Starship Enterprise From Star Trek?

3 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

Within the universe of "Star Trek," we actually know exactly how much it cost to build the U.S.S. Enterprise: exactly zero dollars and zero cents. "Star Trek" takes place in a post-capitalist utopia wherein money has been dispensed with. Everyone still works, but it is to better themselves, to better society at large, or to serve others they care about.
How Much Would It Cost To Build The Starship Enterprise From Star Trek?

3 days ago | flipboard.com | Witney Seibold

4 hours agoTrump administration will accept a luxury jet from Qatar to use as Air Force OneTrump is expected to discuss arrangements for the plane during his visit to Qatar this week, one source said. The Trump administration is preparing to accept a superluxury Boeing 747-8 jumbo jet from the royal family of Qatar as a gift to be used by President Donald Trump as the new Air Force One …6 hours agoDid Canadian tourism to Florida decline by 80% amid Trump’s comments?
Who Is Emperor Shaddam IV In Dune?

3 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

At the beginning of Frank Herbert's 1965 novel "Dune" — set in the distant, distant future — Duke Leto Atreides, the ruler of the ocean planet of Caladan, is assigned the task of overseeing the distant desert world of Arrakis by the Padishah Emperor, Shaddam IV. Arrakis is particularly valuable to the galaxy, as it is the only known source of the spice Melange, a consciousness-expanding psychedelic substance that grants humans the skills they need to travel through deep space.
Why Adam Scott Found The Severance Season 2 Finale Heartbreaking

4 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

Warning: This article contains spoilers for "Severance" season 2. At the beginning of season 2 of Dan Erickson's semi-surreal anti-corporate sci-fi drama "Severance," Mark S. (Adam Scott) discovers that Ms. Casey (Dichen Lachman), one of his co-workers at Lumon, is actually Gemma, Outie Mark's presumed-dead wife. Mark, recall, has had his mind "severed" by Lumon, which means he only has memories of his 9-to-5 job when he's at work.
Before Star Trek, Leonard Nimoy And William Shatner Appeared In This Classic Series

4 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

In the "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." episode "The Project Strigas Affair" (November 24, 1964), it's explained that Laslo Kurasov (Werner Klemperer from "Hogan's Heroes"), a Khrushchev-like diplomat from an unnamed Balkan state, is aiming to disrupt arms talks between the United States and nations behind the Iron Curtain. Agents Napoleon Solo (Robert Wagner) and Illya (David McCallum) are tasked with removing Laslo from his position without assassinating him (which would make him into a martyr).
Why Cujo's Lead Star Demanded A Different Ending For The Stephen King Adaptation

4 days ago | slashfilm.com | Witney Seibold

Stephen King's 1981 novel "Cujo" is about a Saint Bernard dog that contract rabies from a bat and goes on a killing spree. The dog, Cujo, belonged to an abusive mechanic, so it was already seemingly predisposed to violence. It mauls several people throughout the course of the story. The novel climaxes with a local mom named Donna Trenton and her young son Tad becoming trapped in a Ford Pinto on a hot day as Cujo stalks them from outside.