Duffelblog

Duffel Blog stands out as the first and only online satire news platform dedicated to the U.S. military and veterans.

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Elon Musk awarded Bronze Star for accomplishing nothing

3 weeks ago | duffelblog.com | Clay Beyersdorfer

WASHINGTON — The U.S. Air Force awarded Elon Musk the Bronze Star this week for “exceptional service in theoretical cost-cutting and performative patriotism,” despite the tech mogul accomplishing nothing of measurable value during his six-month tenure as Director of Government Efficiency (DOGE).
Combat vet joins War on Drugs

1 month ago | duffelblog.com | Clay Beyersdorfer

ST. LOUIS — In an inspiring display of patriotic fervor, a local combat veteran has announced his eagerness to reenlist to fight in the War on Drugs, taking a firm stance not against, but in support of drug use. Jared Doherty, who served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, now sees the battle for cannabis legalization as his new front line.
Man who sat out war declares war on those who didn't

2 months ago | duffelblog.com | Clay Beyersdorfer

WASHINGTON — Declaring that America has spent “far too long celebrating people just because they went to some war,” convicted felon and current President Donald Trump officially declared war on the country’s veterans Monday, citing “military favoritism” and “disrespect toward those of us who dared to stay home.” Trump, who avoided service in Vietnam with five separate deferments, reportedly laid out the plan in front of “many, many people” who attended a fundraiser dinner held at Mar-a-Lago...
Elon Musk appoints Donald Trump as Commander-in-Chief

Jan 20, 2025 | duffelblog.com | Clay Beyersdorfer

MAR-A-LAGO, Fla. — Tesla founder Elon Musk announced on Monday that Donald Trump will serve as commander-in-chief for the next four years, describing the decision as a “logical step forward for democracy—or at least what’s left of it after we’re done.”The announcement is the latest in a series of moves Musk has made on behalf of the 47th president-elect…Keep reading with a 7-day free trialSubscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.
Mia Khalifa not taking veteran PTSD lying down

Nov 15, 2024 | duffelblog.com

Porn star spreading word, legs as required
Army establishes Virtue Signal Corps

Oct 4, 2024 | duffelblog.com | Roger Wilco

SEATTLE, Wash. — The Army has established a new branch: The Virtue Signal Corps. The operational support branch is responsible for self-righteous, performative displays of arbitrary moral superiority across all domains of warfare, with particular emphasis on telecommunications, networks, and cyberspace.
Semi-literate Gunny won’t stop saying 'demure'

Sep 20, 2024 | duffelblog.com | Roger Wilco

MIRAMAR, Calif. — Gunnery Sgt. Tom Bluto reads at the third-grade level and won’t stop saying the word “demure,” sources confirmed today. Data reflects that he peppers the phrase into 37% of sentences, almost always using it incorrectly and sometimes pronouncing it “duh-moor.” The suspicious behavior began last week, leaving his Marines baffled as they t…Keep reading with a 7-day free trialSubscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.
Air Force to pay allowance for mold-to-mold housing moves

Aug 5, 2024 | duffelblog.com | R.J. Williams

Much to the relief of airmen and dependents living on bases, the Air Force said yesterday it would pay an allowance to be used once per mold-to-mold housing move, or from one base to another base as during a PCS. Though the mold-to-mold allowance (MTMA) comes with stipulations, a single instance of denial has yet to be logged, officials said. Scott Air Force Base has served as the test location for mold-to-mold move allowances for the past nine years, or about three PCS cycles.
US Military to host Presidential debate with ASVAB Test, golf tournament

Jul 3, 2024 | duffelblog.com | R.J. Williams

WASHINGTON — The next and perhaps most important Presidential debates will be hosted in the coming months by the U.S. military, featuring a cognitive and general technical test from the Army and a rigorous Air Force fitness test conducted on the golf course, sources confirmed today.
J.D. Vance: The math on D-Day doesn't add up

Jun 6, 2024 | duffelblog.com | J.D. Vance

By Senator J.D. VanceOn June 6th, 2024, as globalist elites mark the 80th anniversary of the Allied invasion of Europe, Americans should take a moment to reflect on what a catastrophic waste of our manpower and resources this effort to counter a maniacal, existential threat to the free world really was. The math just did not add up. Beginning in the nigh…Keep reading with a 7-day free trialSubscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.