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2 weeks ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
The fascist uprising has begun. Military police in riot gear are storming peaceful protests in a major US city. Our democracy has fallen. Our scooter helmet is too tight and the clip ALMOST pinched the little silky flubber under our chin. It was scary when that happened, but we are okay. We need to wear our helmet every day to protect our head. If we need to take a break and take deep breaths we can do that. But we have to wear our helmet for safety. Even if it makes us sad.
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3 weeks ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
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3 weeks ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
That Jews in the diaspora will be increasingly held accountable and hunted for Netanyahu’s barbarism because the most classic expression of antisemitism is to blame all Jews for the actions of some Jews and kill them for it. And that this fear, informed by centuries of racial memory and underlined by holocaust trauma, will be weaponized to enact more or the brutal and counterproductive military retaliation we’ve seen level and starve Gaza while doing absolutely jack sh*t for the hostages.
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3 weeks ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Take a pottery class!Acknowledge your teenage children!Head to the city and see a matinee performance of “Gypsy!” Taper off the Ketamine under a physician’s supervision in an inpatient facility!I know it’s corny but get into mindfulness meditation?
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
The following is a copy of the rejection letter sent to Barron Trump in the spring of 2024, which has been independently verified by editors at The Grudge Report. Dear Barron Trump,Thank you for your interest in Harvard University. The Committee on Admissions has completed its meetings, and we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you admission to the Class of 2028.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
The Grudge Report: Thank you for speaking with me. I think the question many of my readers have is: Why are you here? White Afrikaner Refugee: As a racist, there was no place we felt more comfortable than America. Stepping off the plane and knowing we were on land where we could live freely and racistly, felt like a long, white hug. TGR: Tell me about the persecution you faced in South Africa.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Vancing With the Stars! Dust off your performative boots and get in line for the Hillbilly Two Step with America’s favorite Appalachian Yale Graduate! But be careful not to get too close when you do-si-do! Touch his skin, and you have 24 hours to live! Wheel of Abortion! In this high-stakes spin on a game show classic, four lucky contestants take their reproductive fate into their own hands — literally! — when they spin a giant wheel that will decide whether or not they have the right to...
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Happy Friday, Baby!Hope you’re doing amazing. We all had a chance to connect about the weekend nap plan and the short of it is, it’s looking like laying in your crib for the entire two hours while singing to yourself is genius, it’s just not what anyone is looking for at the moment. Ugh.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Hi, it’s Bess Kalb of Brooklyn, New York, and most of you — especially if you are a White House operative keeping some kind of list — know me as a lifelong, loyal Trump supporter. He is good and smart and understands what is happening in a given situation. Which is why I am absolutely APPALLED to see how many of you have sooooo much to say about Trump accepting literally ONE gift from honestly a good friend.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Pssst! Your cart is waiting! Rejoice! An item in your cart is still available!Low stock alert! Act fast before your item is gone!Call me. Urgent. It’s about your cart. Hey not sure if you’re getting these but your cart is saying some messed up shit and is really starting to freak me out. OMG PLEASE YOUR CART IS PACKED FULL OF C4 AND JUST PULLED UP OUTSIDE A BANK???!!!Hi it’s the FBI. We need you to come with us. Your cart has a list of demands. It’s asking for you. Only you can talk it down.