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1 week ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
(Note: All of this is objective and correct, and should be taken absolutely literally). How do I navigate polyamory with a partner with an anxious/jealous attachment style, 2 young children, and the sex drive/tendency towards limerence of a 16 year old?
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1 week ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Dear Mr. President,You think you can cut funding to NPR? To Fucking National Public Fucking Radio? You think you can DENY Ira Glass his Warby Parker money? You think you can look Terry Gross in the eye and tell her she CANNOT have unlimited access to Celestial Seasonings Decaf Lemon Zinger Tea with a Claritin chaser? Like Mo Rocca thinking he could go beat-for-beat with Paula Poundstone, you thought wrong, asshole. And I’m going to wait-waittell YOU that you fucked with the wrong fans.
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3 weeks ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
The man in my parents’ old building who pressed the “DOOR CLOSE” button as my kid was entering the elevator.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Hi. I have seen a LOT of people criticize nice, tall, decent man Jeff Bezos for today’s Blue Origin flight where his normal-looking space ship thrust its tip through the earth’s atmosphere, and I am honored to be writing the only article saying resoundingly that I think it was good. And cool. And a beacon of hope for the world etc.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Oh no the first shot is PIPER. Does this mean Piper dies? Do we care? Is it bad that we don’t care? DUUUUUUKE! It’s the meanest joke of the season and it tracks. Jason Isaacs you are so stressed that at this point if you kill your family we will be relieved for you. SAXON IS READING THE BOOKS CHELSEA GAVE HIM? No. Saxon got his phone at 3AM and got a ChatGPT summary. Also, Saxon, LOCHLAN and Piper? Belinda and Zion? Jaclyn, Laurie and Kate? Mike White Pulitzer for Naming Characters.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
TW: Pregnancy lossOne November morning I was seated at my desk in my bedroom, writing my morning joke assignment for the late night TV show where I had worked for half a decade when I felt the smallest, barely perceptible sense that something was suddenly falling. It wasn’t quite vertigo, it was an interior drop. An instant later, I felt a rush of warmth, a tiny pain, and then the cold nightmare of a puddle. I was two months pregnant. In those two months, I had changed my life entirely.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
Hi, Goof!Just wanted to touch base about your pitch for Day Off. We all wanted it to land at the Museum of Ice Cream and honestly thought it was a sure bet, but after taking it up the ladder and discussing things internally, it turns out we ran into a snag on the business affairs side of things. Very annoyed to have to relay this, Ice Cream is asking us to come in with $72 on OUR end to move forward (which in my experience is VERY unusual, and definitely not industry standard).
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
TW: The beast of depression and everything that comes with it. RFK Jr. wants to ban depression medication, including SSRIs. The reason you are reading this is since I was 19 years old, I have been on depression medication. In the spring of my sophomore year of college, I was diagnosed with an incurable, painful autoimmune disease and then a few weeks later my boyfriend dumped me. The heartbreak was bad. The disease was worse.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
My name is JD Vance, and I it is my privilege — nay, honor — to read the following remarks prepared by the greatest President who ever graced the God-enshrined United States, Donald J. Trump. [CLEARS THROAT]Greenlandians! It is I, your favorite soon-to-be president. My name is Donald Trump. One day, a very short time ago — was it weeks? It may have been weeks. Days even! I looked at a map and saw a place that was big. So big you wouldn’t believe it.
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1 month ago | 
besskalb.substack.com | Bess Kalb
That was not the only groupchat. AIDEN’S MOM JEN: Hi, Liz and Mary’s Class! It’s that time of year again - School picture day is THIS Thursday, 3/27. The makeup shoot for individual photos will be 4/4 in the library at 8:30AM.
