Bella Mackie

London

Writer and Editor at Freelance

Writer at Multiple anxieties

Articles

A life more ordinary

1 week ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

I once lied in a history class. I told lots of lies at school - mostly about having done my homework when I hadn’t - but this one was completely pointless and immediately called out. We were discussing Ruth Ellis (the last woman to be put to death in the UK) and I confidently said something about her last words. My teacher gave me a funny look, which made me flush hot, and told me I was misinformed. I pushed back, frantically aware I’d lost respect, but to no avail.
Do you sabotage your own friendships or are you normal?

4 weeks ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

I got a text this morning from someone I don’t know very well but like a lot. We met a year or so ago and got on well immediately. It’s rare in adulthood, but when it happens it’s an unmatched feeling isn’t it? To find another woman you instantly see becoming a friend. You get a bit giddy, as though you’re about to go on a really great date, and all without the disappointment of a man. The problem is, without the frameworks of school or an office to usher the new friendship in, I bottle it.
Maintaining my podcast addiction

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

I’m often asked to list the podcasts I listen to, and I thought the bank holiday would be a good time to offer up some of my favourites (and a few other culture hits) for you to peruse. I am never not listening to a podcast. I genuinely think it’s problematic that I cannot be alone with my own thoughts. Half of them don’t even go in, they’re just comforting background noise at this point.
Rejecting hormone soup

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

I did a brief Q&A while travelling down to a book event last week and the most commonly asked question, as ever, was asking how I’m getting on with Sertraline. It’s asked both by people on the drug and by those who feel like they might like to try an SSRI in the future but are scared of medication for mental health (the stigma has still not fully gone away).
Fighting with my husband about a squirrel

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

My husband and I had one of our biggest fights about a squirrel today. It’s never about the squirrel is it? The squirrel could be old socks on the floor, an unpaid bill, a harsh tone. Something small sets one of you off and before you know it you’re aiming the most contemptuous language possible towards the person you love. Except this really was about a squirrel. There has been a squirrel living in the flat roof above our shower for six months now.
Things I am afraid of

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

My parents dying. Men who wear gilets - of any sort. Those of the fleeced variety wish to be extra warm as they drive too fast around corners in their Range Rovers. Those of the padded variety are wont to use slurs in casual conversation, while the Moleskin types look right past you to talk to your husband. All are terrifying. People who go on long journeys without headphones.
So you went to space for likes

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

Where were you when Katy Perry and her (contractually obligated) pals went into space? We’ll all remember the moment forever won’t we? A truly special eleven minutes when six girl bosses bossed a little too close to the sun (not too close, they were basically hovering above Swindon) and launched a thousand glorious memes in the process.
I saw my neighbour protesting outside an abortion clinic

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

I decided some years ago not to smile at old men on the street. This sounds mean doesn’t it? Well, it is. It’s small minded and based on nothing more than vibes, but I’m sticking to it. Old men might look harmless and faintly reminiscent of the grandpa in a Werther’s advert, but the ravages of time don’t erase their past. A walking stick and a twinkle of the eye doesn’t mean they didn’t do some horrific things to women back in their day.
You desire a nemesis, I long for a feud

1 month ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

Friends, let us rejoice! Madonna and Elton John have ended their decades long feud. In a lengthy Instagram post, Madonna spoke of her hurt at comments John made about her, before saying that he’d begged forgiveness at an SNL recording and ending by teasing a future collaboration. I was not aware of this feud, and was disappointed in myself for a second. I am a scholar of feuds, an appreciator of the art. How had I not known about two musical icons dragging each other into old age?
So you want to be the hottest person in the care home

2 months ago | bellamackie.substack.com | Bella Mackie

I often wonder about the point of life. When the thought comes up, I try not to dwell on it for too long because going down that particular rabbit hole usually leads to gnawing anxiety about my own purpose. If I veer into existentialism, I freak out! I don’t have kids to guide into adulthood, I don’t believe in God so I’m not just waiting for the afterlife, but also, I’m not a hedonist only out to chase pleasure. So why am I here?