Chris Britcher

The amount of times I have impersonated this chap's line whenever I have heard mention of Accrington Stanley...and now look at what he's done... https://t.co/D0SwWMQmwR

Back to work to a charming note from a reader accusing me (his tone, not mine) of being both a millennial and having gone to university...both, sadly, highly inaccurate...

It's good of Charles to so swiftly introduce a 'comedy pen routine' into official visits. I eagerly await the next.

As I fast approach turning 50, I have just discovered that Johnny Morris (he of Animal Magic fame) wasn't a real zoo keeper. Flabbergasted.

Bought a bucket of chips (yes, bucket) at the beach at the weekend. They let you keep the bucket afterwards so you can build a sandcastle. Genius. https://t.co/IF5Gcz4kls

Seems unfair that Boris has his own Essex advisor...why doesn't Kent have one too?.....Oh, hang on...

Humiliating first round exit it is then...

The Guardian @guardian

Harry Kane confident about England's World Cup chances: 'We can win it' – video https://t.co/eao03JRdnx

Another pricey Prince box set arrives...another I cannot bear to open the wrapping on for fear of spoiling it...this is getting ludicrous...

Platinum Party at the Palace in a nutshell: Queen, Rod Stewart, Diana Ross awful…Alisha Keys standout…queues for bar before show staggeringly long… https://t.co/Gb8bdLqWmi

The diversity of the sounds I can hear while working: Beautiful bird song in the garden offset by a dog licking their 'bits' on the floor next to my chair...swings and roundabouts as they say...(the sound of both of which I'd probably take over the latter)

Eurovision eh? Bloody hell

A reader emailed me recently saying they'd visited a restaurant I'd reviewed (and raved about) on my recommendation and didn't like it...I'm impressed with the power I clearly wield...but when did anyone take my recommendations seriously, eh? Schoolboy stuff...

Went to a chip shop at the weekend where every trowel of chips in the bag was topped with salt and vinegar to ensure complete coverage...this is, without question, the work of genius.

Never let it be said my musical tastes aren’t at the razor sharp cutting edge… https://t.co/888I9ZoHhu

Don't onions make you cry when you cut them anymore or are my peepers just dried up pits in my old age?

November 5 - and a house in Margate has Xmas lights up, for crying out loud

Remember those golden days when you just got a cold and didn't have to make yourself retch with a jumbo cotton bud down your throat for fear it was a potentially killer bug? Good times.