Dan Kroll

1 week ago | danjkroll.com | Dan Kroll

An online dictionary describes a gatecrasher as “someone who enters a party or event without being invited, typically without a ticket or invitation. It’s considered rude and disrespectful to the host.” Boy, is that an understatement. And for once, I wasn’t the one that showed up uninvited!Before we get into dissecting the dra-ma (there is a pause between the syllables for emphasis) of the past week, I wanted to offer a suggestion to make the show even better.

2 weeks ago | danjkroll.com | Dan Kroll

It isn’t often that politics and soap operas collide. In 30 years of owning and operating Soap Central, there were very few times that the two worlds became inextricably linked. Most of them came in the past decade — before Beyond the Gates hit the airwaves — and involved soap stars that ran for public office or sued over policies that were being enforced in the workplace. Now, thanks to Chief Economist, Director of Mobster Affairs, and Ambassador to Pimplandia Joey Armstrong we have another.

3 weeks ago | danjkroll.com | Dan Kroll

I don’t know what’s gotten into my lately, but as I sit in front of the television enjoying my weekdaily dose of Beyond the Gates, I find myself overcome by this feeling that bad things are going to happen. Yes, this is a soap and bad things happen, but I keep thinking that worse than soapily bad outcomes are imminent. What is a worse than soapily bad outcome? I was worried that the can of room deodorizer was going to explore and take out the entire Dupree family.

1 month ago | danjkroll.com | Dan Kroll

I learned something this week: if ever I find that my access to Fairmont Crest is revoked, I can simply head over to Garland Memorial and claim to be a new hire. Sure, you might get a few pointed questions from the nursing staff about who you are and why you’re there, but the perfect wig and fake accent will quickly convince everyone that you’re the real deal.

1 month ago | danjkroll.com | Dan Kroll

Good news! I have found a surefire way to gain access to Fairmont Crest any time I want. I simply call up real estate agent extraordinaire Vanessa McBride and tell her that I am looking to buy a house for my mom. She is only too happy to invite me to the country club to look at property listings. There’s only one weird thing about it. She keeps asking if she can see my rigatoni and taste my meatballs. She must have seen some of my cooking posts on social media. Or something.