Drew Weisholtz

I have not seen #Parasite, but there's no way it can possibly be better than the awesome song of the same name by Danish metal band @VOLBEAT. This is totally infectious, if not way too short. #oscars https://t.co/n1DWdV6Fwg

Next year for #Halloween @TheEllenShow should get dressed up as singer John Cougar Ellencamp. @andylassner

My piece about the 30th anniversary of the premiere of "Saved by the Bell," including how Caskey Kasem got involved and the origin of the name Screech. @mrbelding @MarioLopezExtra @ElizBerkley @EdAlonzomagic https://t.co/tbRDel74gw

Just in time for Father's Day, here's my honest take for TODAY on being a dad and having a career -- and which is more important. https://t.co/Zk7aEOWUa1

Being unemployed taught me a thing or two about being a dad. This is my story. https://t.co/HpR4CpcThW

This would make an obscure @TheOnion headline: “DNA Exonerates Video in Killing of the Radio Star.”

#YomKippur is the worst. It's like when you find out your ex-girlfriend is getting married: you feel unworthy, you start thinking about everything you've done wrong and you can't eat.

I get that no one has a sense of humor about this stuff in these times, but "East Coast Braces for President Trump to Fuck Up Response to #HurricaneFlorence" seems like it'd be a good headline for @TheOnion.

Do you think the security guard at the unemployment office who called me “boss” realizes the irony of what he said?

2018: I heard #BarbaraBush died and my first thought was, “Has @realDonaldTrump tweeted an insult about her yet?”

"Something will turn up" is the unemployed person's version of "thoughts and prayers."

I get that we live in divisive times, but surely we can all agree that @dominos carryout insurance is the dumbest culinary idea since New Coke.

I guess they put a protective seal on caps of Chapstick to protect people from the Unabalmer.

I don’t care if there’s another snow day tomorrow. I’m just going to drop my kids at school and make them wait until the doors open on Monday.

How has @TheOnion NOT done a story with the headline "@NRA Lobbying to Introduce Bill to Lower Age to Buy a Rifle to 7?"

If only teachers had guns in the '50s, Mr. Keating could've shot Neil before he shot himself. #deadpoetssociety #BoycottNRA

#WayneLaPierre looks like a Scooby-Doo villain after he takes off his mask. And he would continue to get away with if it wasn't for these meddling kids. #NRABloodMoney @waynelapierrejr #NRAIsATerroristOrganization #nra https://t.co/CYenCOCWcD