Evan Hurst

Memphis

Managing Editor at Wonkette

Managing editor @Wonkette. Proprietor, The Moral High Ground. Subscribe! https://t.co/8mgv04tSrH

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Articles

THAT’S INTERIM US ATTORNEY [HIC!] BOXWINE TO YOU, MISTER!

6 days ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Stellar news, everyone!Donald Trump, in a sign of the absolute disdain in which he holds his job, this country, the institutions of the government, and the criminal justice system, has done the absolute funniest thing ever: He appointed a well-drunked Fox News host to be the interim US attorney in DC. We know what you’re thinking: But Pete Hegseth is already busy at the Pentagon! How can we expect him to double-fist jobs like this?
Trump Announces Concepts Of A Trade Deal With OH HEY LOOK, NEW POPE!

6 days ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Suddenly it is a big day of news that all happened at once!And somehow it’s not all bad news? There is a new pope. Donald Trump has pulled the nomination of controversial dickwit loser Ed Martin, who literally entered the Capitol on January 6, and not just to poop, to be US attorney for DC.
I Dreamed A Dream Of ‘Les Miz’ Cast Members Telling Trump To Eat A Bag Of Dicks

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Oh, what a delightful postscript to a story Wonkette brought you yesterday, oh happy day, oh Tag der Schadenfreude! Yesterday’s post was the latest twist and turn in the saga of Donald Trump stealing the chairmanship of the Kennedy Center and pissing in the middle of the stage, where the art happens, and Trump’s bitchy little pig Ric Grenell, whom Trump named as director, huffing and puffing at anyone and everyone about it, mostly especially Lin-Manuel Miranda, who yanked Hamiltonoff the...
Rep. Lauren Underwood Kicks Kristi Noem's Ass

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Illinois Governor JB Pritzker, a Democrat obviously, taught a lesson yesterday in how to troll Donald Trump’s Nazi Barbie DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, who is gallivanting around the country — and other countries — doing photo ops and apparently leaving her purse unattended and full of cash, in support of Trump’s vile immigration evils.
Couches McButthair Has Warning For People Who Want To Come To World Cup

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

It’s 2025. It’s time to start saying it WAY loud: The World Cup matches scheduled to happen in the United States next year should not happen, at least not in this country, which no longer deserves to host them. They should be moved to Canada or Mexico, and Donald Trump and JD Vance can go fuck three dolls and a couch if they don’t like it.
Secretary Sh*tfaced Ain't Need No Generals, He's Nailing This All By Himself!

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Secretary Shitfaced, AKA Pete Hegseth, who isn’t qualified to do much in life beyond mow all our lawns — but please keep your shirt on, dude, the white nationalist tattoos are offensive and trashy — has announced a new policy at the Pentagon.
He Saw Alcatraz On TV. Tabs, Tues., May 6, 2025

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Hey, let’s talk about Alcatraz some more!Here’s Donald Trump. Watch him babble and marvel at how he literally cannot separate reality from things he sees on TV. Meanwhile, here is Stephen Miller saying we need to reopen Alcatraz so people can really have a visual representation of how banished from society whoever ends up there is. Stephen Miller is a mentally disturbed ghoul. Meanwhile, Larry Kudlow and Pam Bondi, two absolute morons, also discussed Alcatraz yesterday. Where is Alcatraz, Larry?
Marco Rubio Has All The Jobs, And Also None Of The Jobs

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Marco Rubio quit the Senate for this. And Mike Waltz quit the House for this. And Elise Stefanik was going to quit the House for this, but then Donald Trump got scared her seat might go to a Democrat (because people hate him so much), so he yanked her nomination for UN ambassador and made her go back to stinky old Congress with icky creepo perv Speaker Mike Johnson, and we guarantee you she is not over that yet.
Are You Ready For This, Media? Pam Bondi Is A Dumbass

1 week ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

A funny thing happened on Wednesday during Donald Trump’s licky-licky afternoon delight session with his Cabinet members, where they all lined up to pay respects to his ding-dong and tell him what a brilliant day it was the day he was born. No, we’re not talking about when Trump angrily told the nation’s children that they need to give up most of their Christmas presents while President Grandpa uses trade wars to work out his emotional insecurities on a global scale.
When Trump Was Your Age, He Had TWO WOODEN DOLLS, And They Both Looked Like His Mom

2 weeks ago | wonkette.com | Evan Hurst

Reminder: Donald Trump’s tariffs are the stupidest possible solution to a problem that only exists in the deepest crevasses of his diseased, non-functioning brain. The problem he’s trying to solve isn’t with the United States economy, or with our trade relations with other nations, at least not once you scratch the surface.