Heather Havrilesky

Chapel Hill

Writer and Author at Ask Molly

Author of Foreverland (Ecco 2022) + 3 other books + Ask Polly + Ask Molly on Substack. Illustration by Michael Sowa. Mastodon: @[email protected]

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Articles

Glaze

1 week ago | askmolly.substack.com | Heather Havrilesky

I’m starting a new pottery class today. We’re going to learn about glazes: how to mix them, how they interact with each other. We’ll be making test tiles to see how different colors react to each other on different clay bodies. This is how speed dating should work: Experiment first. See how everyo…
'I Thought It Was Love, But Now I'm Not Sure!'

1 week ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Zephirium apochripholiae (Windwort) (1997), Dorothea TanningDear Polly,I don’t know where to begin. I’m standing in the wreckage of something I thought was love, but now I don’t know anymore and that uncertainty is killing me. It was a relationship that was filled with the kind of intensity that seduces you into believing it must be love by how good it fe…
What Makes a Person Trustworthy?

1 week ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Nephaster cyaneus (Cloudstar)(1997), Dorothea TanningMany people are working far beyond their emotional capacity at all times. You might not realize it, but you’re taxing their systems just by being who you are. What’s worse, a lot of people promise way too much, both because they overestimate their own emotional capacity and because they’re trying to embody some ideal that lives inside their heads.
'I Want to Leave My Wife!'

2 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Emotion II (1988), Dorothea TanningDear Polly,I am a married father of two who has increasingly felt that staying in my marriage is no longer the right thing for me or my young children. One of the major reasons my wife and I connected over a decade ago was that both of us grew up with emotionally and verbally abusive fathers and we wanted to build a lif…
Do You Prioritize Status Over Joy?

2 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

For a few weeks last month, I fell into the habit of viewing myself as inadequately ambitious. I lamented that I refuse to take advantage of my current successes in order to create bigger, more popular businesses. “There are so many adventures I could be having,” I said to my husband. “Instead, I insist on making pottery…
Therapy

2 weeks ago | askmolly.substack.com | Heather Havrilesky

Hello, forever-lovers, soulmates, besties, and common creepers! It’s time to give you an update, but I’ve been delayed by factors that I think you’ll understand: 1) quality control, which demanded throwing out four to five drafts some of your less stringent and exacting newsletter writers would…
'Why Do I Try to Get Out of Every Plan?'

3 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Reality (1983), Dorothea TanningDear Polly,Lately I've noticed I'm always trying to get out of anything that's on my calendar, even if it's something I want to do, or totally don't mind doing. I'm going to the gym after work today, great, wonderful, happy to tick that off my list, but all day whenever anything happens I'm finding myself thinking "Maybe this will be why I can't go tonight.” I have a tummy grumble, maybe I'll be too sick.
'I've Been Broken Since I Was Ten!'

1 month ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

As I write to you, there is this weird burning sensation in my heart that keeps coming up and then further up and no, it’s not gas. I want to be funny right now but the truth is I just don’t have it in me. I’ve been broken since I was ten. I didn’t have what you would call a normal childhood, and…
Dawn

1 month ago | askmolly.substack.com | Heather Havrilesky

Powder Puff (2022), Flora YukhnovichI ask and an answer comes: don’t force the light, don’t stare straight into the sun, close your eyes and let the sinister earth breathe through you, let the stubborn stones speak, millions of years and they didn’t shrink, crumbling is another way of reorganizing yourself, eroding is another way of smoothing rough edges, listening to the tides, waiting patiently for the day when this low berm becomes a tall cliff overlooking the wide ocean.
'I Want to Be Less Mean!'

1 month ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Inspiration Comes in Painting (1973), Dorothea TanningHi Polly,I think I'm the issue. I'm 23, have never been in a relationship longer than a few months, and just about have a near anxiety breakdown every time I get into an argument with a partner (if I can even call them that). I want to be a better, more secure, more relaxed or maybe just a happier per…