Heather Havrilesky

Chapel Hill

Writer and Author at Ask Molly

Author of Foreverland (Ecco 2022) + 3 other books + Ask Polly + Ask Molly on Substack. Illustration by Michael Sowa. Mastodon: @[email protected]

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Articles

'I'm Haunted by My Successful Ex!'

1 week ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Kenningar (1961), Dorothea TanningThis is a letter I replied to a month ago. On Tuesday, I found it on my desktop, wrote a new reply, and republished it. When I discovered my error, I felt terrible and deleted the repeat column. The next day I wrote about my mistake. Some readers have said that they wish they hadn’t missed the repeat column, so I’m repu…
Can You Forgive Yourself?

1 week ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Yesterday morning, I ran the same letter I’d run a month ago, but with a different response. I had to rush out the door after posting, so I didn’t discover my mistake until the afternoon. At that point I was so disgusted with myself that I deleted the repeated column and then crumpled into a self-recriminating heap on my m…
'I'm Obsessed with My Ex!'

1 week ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Kenningar (1961), Dorothea TanningHi Polly. I am hoping you can help me release myself from a current loop of shame that I am really struggling with. I have loved your columns over the years and read them earnestly and apply the messages to my life with abandon. So, thank you. On the surface I have a very happy and nice life. I have a great husband, three…
'I Killed All of My Dreams And I Have Nothing Left!'

2 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

On Avalon (1987), Dorothea TanningDearest Polly,I wrote to you about this some time ago, but reading your recent Ask Polly about dreams made me want to reach out again. It was something you said about not listening to someone who has killed their dreams. I've had so, so many in the past ten plus years. Many of them I have accomplished in some form or another. Starting a small press for comics and artist books, completing my BFA, having an art studio, starting a band.
'I Destroyed My Poly Relationship and I Feel So Guilty About It!'

2 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Further Chaos (1988), Dorothea TanningHi Polly. Two years ago, I purposely destroyed a relationship with my ex-partner of 7 years. She wanted a polyamorous relationship and no matter how much I tried to do research and deal with my feelings of insecurity, I couldn’t do it. This lead to me being either willing to try it one day or completely against it the next day and I felt like such a terrible person for going back and forth on it.
Build Your Dream to Last

3 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Crepuscula glacialis (1997), Dorothea TanningThis is a message for recent graduates. It’s also a message for people in their 20s, mothers in their 30s, successful business people in their 40s, stoners in their 50s, so-called failures in their 60s, retired recording artists in their 90s and everyone in between. Listen up, you stubborn, impossible animals: If you have a dream, you need to renovate that motherfucker until it can fit into your hands.
Pool

3 weeks ago | askmolly.substack.com | Heather Havrilesky

Last week I drove to the pool through a steady downpour. No one was parked in the parking lot. I let myself into the gate. No one was swimming. There were no kids and no lifeguards at the family pool. The rain was hitting the concrete and pelting the pool, steam was rising up and drifting east. I thought: Is this c…
'I Just Graduated. What's the Point?'

3 weeks ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

Premier Péril (1950), Dorothea TanningDear Polly,I graduated Magna Cum Laude from my university last month. After four years of working 50+ hours a week at a restaurant job to barely scrape by with enough to pay bills and burning the candle at both ends to make sure my 15-credit-hour semesters were not in vain, you would think that I would feel accompli…
'Help, My Live-In Boyfriend Is Miserable and I'm Starting to Lose My Mind!'

1 month ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

I'm stuck. My brain is at a crossroads, and the stand-off currently taking place amidst my cerebellum is paralyzing. I'm dizzy with doubt and seasick from the compounding narratives currently doing a Dobby with the lamp from that scene in Harry Potter (not a timely reference, but it's how me and m…
A Message For Recent Graduates: You're The Boss Now.

1 month ago | ask-polly.com | Heather Havrilesky

The Philosophers (1952), Dorothea TanningYou’re not prepared for this moment. Your professors and parents love to believe that they’ve prepared you well, but they’re wrong. Because there’s no way to prepare anyone else for uncertainty.