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2 weeks ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
Whenever the shit hits the fan in the old US of A, Christina says something along the lines of, “Oh my god, we’re Rome.” She means ancient Rome, and what she’s saying is that America is collapsing faster than an undercooked soufflé. My response: “We should be so lucky.” The Roman Republic went the distance, nearly 500 years; the Roman Empire went another five centuries; if you count the Byzantine Empire (aka the Eastern Roman Empire), add another thousand years or so.
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3 weeks ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
With a twang in his voice, the Lyft driver says my timing is perfect because he just finished some Del Taco. “I’m terrible with accents, but I’m always curious,” I say. “Oklahoma or Texas?”“Oklahoma, son. Our twang is more laid back — we’re cowboys, you know, but we’re not fixing to make a fuss about it.”“So you’re an Okie?”“I’m an Okie from Muskogee.”“No way. Like the song?”“Like the song, but in the flesh.”“Why’d you move out here?”“The women.”“Really?”“Nah.
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1 month ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
Everyone poops. This is a fact, but more than that, it’s a fact nobody disputes — a rarity these days. Scarlett Johansson? She poops. Elon Musk? He poops. Caitlyn Jenner? They poop. I could do this all day, but I came here chew bubblegum and talk shit, and it looks like I’m all out of bubblegum. At the risk over-sharing, I’ve been pooping a lot these days. If I were a goat, pooping at the drop of a hat would mean the vibes are right.
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1 month ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
I believe it was Yogi Berra who said, “Nobody goes to goat yoga anymore, it’s too crowded.” He was half-right. The people running goat yoga at LA’s Laughing Frog yoga studio packed us in like sardines. On the mat to my left was my friend, long-time yogi, and unpaid Situation Normal photographer Jennie. To my right was a woman who seemed ambivalent about the man on her right.
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1 month ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
The other day, I found myself on Ventura Boulevard. I didn’t know I was lost, but that’s where I found myself. I had just left Pita Kitchen, where the shawarma is on point. I wasn’t in a hurry to get back to my car, because I had earlier hit the parking lottery: A meter with nearly two hours left. A more violent man might’ve said he was “killing time,” but I prefer the term lollygagging, which has the same effect, minus the casualties.
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1 month ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
Last weekend, we met some friends at a Thai food festival in North Hollywood. We noshed on pork belly skewers and banana fritters, but passed on the chicken butts. We drank too much Thai iced coffee. And at some point, we hatched a criminal conspiracy. The crime talk began when Todd expressed outrage at a new iPhone update. “Hey Michael, you know all about Big Tech, right? Where do we go to riot? This new Apple AI is fucking up my email, and I hate it.”“Cupertino,” I said.
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1 month ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
Pam and her mom grab a table. Pam’s husband Greg arrives five minutes later. Then the food arrives. Greg gets up to wash his hands and fetch some Tapatío hot sauce. While he’s gone, Pam eats a quarter of his fries. Then, to cover her tracks, Pam enlists her mother in a conspiracy to conceal her french fried larceny. “Don’t tell Greg. He hates it when I eat off his plate. This is our little secret, Mom.”Greg returns. His hands are clean, and the Tapatío bottle is full.
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2 months ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
Hi, situation normies! Michael here. Like Walt Whitman, Situation Normal contains multitudes. To wit: sometimes I write about rad books & movies, especially crime stories, as I’m a crime novelist of the slacker noir variety. Enjoy!If the internet is to be believed — always a dubious proposition — Omar Little from The Wire coined the phrase, “A man’s gotta have a code.” Omar definitely said that line, but it feels like John Wayne said it too. Or, maybe it was Henry Fonda. Or, Gary Cooper.
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2 months ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
“I think as you get older, it gets harder to find your car,” I heard an old woman say. I was on the sidewalk getting some exercise. She was on the sidewalk getting frustrated. I didn’t know her, and she didn’t know me. We were strangers, but I got the feeling she needed help, so asked, “What color is your car?”Ignoring the question, she seized on the word color. “My manager is a black woman,” she said. “And do you know what she did? She pushed me. She just pushed me.
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2 months ago | 
michaelestrin.substack.com | Michael Estrin
It was either the Babylonian king Hammurabi, or Omar Little from The Wire who said, “a man’s gotta have a code.” Since I’ve never had my own HBO show, or ruled over an ancient kingdom, I’m in no position to argue. My code is simple: return your shopping cart, don’t use your phone in a movie theater, and show up to yoga on time. I like to arrive ten minutes early for yoga.
