Pat Myers

Washington, D.C.

Empress of the just-axed Style Invitational, WaPo's humor/wordplay contest. Now back at https://t.co/F3yvHZGKnC -- sign up now!

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Articles

The Invitational Week 130: Same Difference

2 days ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Hello. We’re back with an Invitational Classic®: the contest in which we present you with a list of random items and you compare or contrast any two (or more) in some cleverly funny manner. Here’s this year’s list; many of them were offered up to our request in the Invitational’s lively Facebook group.
The Invitational Week 129: The Pettysburg Address

1 week ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Hello. A jolly, joyous Juneteenth to you all. Not coincidentally, the results of this week’s Invitational contest will run on Independence Day, which is also the 152nd anniversary of the end of the Battle of Gettysburg, which gives us a pretext to gin up today’s contest. It was suggested by Tom the Butcher. InInvitational Week 129: Rewrite some portion of the Gettysburg Address as it would have been written and delivered by Donald Trump.
The Invitational Week 128: As the Word Turns

2 weeks ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Beginning at P-17: BRATMO: The nasty Cuban prison where bad little children are sent if they don't hang up their jacket right now. O-14: NEVIDENCE: Phony stuff the Trump regime uses to imprison citizens for nonexistent crimes. G-7: KINDRIVEL: The six-page not-even-bothering-to-be-humblebrag that your cousin sends out every December.
The Invitational Week 127: Put It in Bee-Verse

3 weeks ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Amphicrania, headache on both sides of the head:A native of West Transylvania Was plagued by advanced amphicrania. He’s not a vampire But his teeth feel on fire — It’s a headache that really can painya. (We’re announcing that weAre doing the spelling beeAgain, Fren’.)In this week’s Invitational contest, Week 127: Write a humorous rhyming poem or tell a short joke (e.g., a riddle) using any word from Round 6 or later in the 2025 Scripps National Spelling Bee.
The Invitational Week 126: Questionable Journalism

1 month ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Hello. Welcome to the Invitational Gene Pool, where we begin with an extraneous question: Is Melania Trump human? That’s it. We’ll address the question in a day or two. Here comes The Invitational. Sentence from a news story: “There is a big grassroots movement that’s sprung up.”Q. What did the plumber say after using his plunger on the vegan’s toilet? Another one: Let me be honest here. Q. What does a politician say before lying?
The Invitational Week 125: Our last gasp for 'air quotes'

1 month ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Hello. All good things must come to an end, particularly “air quotes,” which, by their very nature, come to an end. They start upside down, and end right side up. Air quotes have been one of our favorite contests because of their elegance and simplicity: Take any word or expression, place a portion of it in “air quotes,” and reinterpret it. We’ve been doing it for nearly 20 years.
The Invitational Week 124: You Have to Wonder

1 month ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Hello. Just curious: What if there were an alternate universe where your cat did not followyou to the bathroom? You’d just sit there and talk to yourself, I guess. (Robyn Carlson)What if instead of the Stanley Cup it was a Stanley Jockstrap? It would be easier to hold above your head, but players probablywouldn’t drink out of it so much.
The Invitational Week 123: STFU (St. Fun, our patron)

1 month ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

“Trump is Trumpier the second time around,” sings Jonathan Jensen in a parody of the Frank Sinatra hit about love. See lots of other videos and lyrics below in this week’s Invitational results. Hello. Hey, WTF? RUOK? That’s our new contest for Invitational Week 123.
The Invitational Week 122: Colt Fusion

1 month ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Hello. Welcome to the finish line of the 32nd Invitational Derby. As always, we challenged you to “breed” any two names from a list of 100 three-year-old racehorses nominated for this year’s Kentucky Derby and other Triple Crown races . . . and then name the foal. This is among the most ancient and popular and redundant Invitational contests, which we have introduced here for 30 years, always striving for some new way to make it interesting.
The Invitational Week 121: It's Parody Time

2 months ago | geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten

Above, Sandy Riccardi updates the lyrics to the song she wrote in 2016. Hello. Last week we posted our annual horse-“breeding” wordplay contest,one that many otherwise sane people come back to The Invitational to enter every year, along with our hundred or so Usual Suspects who enter almost every week (you still have time to enter!).