Gene Weingarten
Freelance Writer at Freelance
Writer at The Gene Pool
Writer, cartoonist, enthusiast of excreta-related humor. Tweets represent ONLY views of my employers. Personally, I disavow them. https://t.co/gZTTO89CA5
Articles
-
3 days ago |
geneweingarten.substack.com | Gene Weingarten
Hello.
-
6 days ago |
geneweingarten.substack.com | Gene Weingarten
Hello. The following happened yesterday. As humans sometimes do, Rachel attempted to drink a glass of water. We have a water dispenser in our refrigerator, but it suddenly issued no water. So she went to the sink. It did not dispense water. It made a gurgling sound, like a turtle surfacing from a septic tank. So we waited. After about an hour, there was still no water in the house, which is when we realized we also had no working toilets. This became something of an impending crisis.
-
1 week ago |
geneweingarten.substack.com | Pat Myers |Gene Weingarten
“Trump is Trumpier the second time around,” sings Jonathan Jensen in a parody of the Frank Sinatra hit about love. See lots of other videos and lyrics below in this week’s Invitational results. Hello. Hey, WTF? RUOK? That’s our new contest for Invitational Week 123.
-
1 week ago |
geneweingarten.substack.com | Gene Weingarten
Hello. You wake up because your dog wakes you up. You haven’t taken her out since seven o’clock the previous night because you were tired and it was raining. You feel guilt. So, it is 6 a.m. and Lexi wants to pee. Fine! You yourself have to pee anyway since your prostate gland is the size of a beanbag chair or a weather balloon, both of which are comparisons you have made before because you are a writer who is out of new ideas, being 73 years old. You pee, then take her out to pee.
-
1 week ago |
geneweingarten.substack.com | Gene Weingarten
Okay, here are the Trump-related headlines from the last week. He said he would like to be pope. Unlike most Americans who are terrified by this disclosure, I do not think he was serious. I think he was joking, But behold the problem. WE JUST DON’T KNOW. That is the main problem with Trump. He is nuts. He might say anything.
Try JournoFinder For Free
Search and contact over 1M+ journalist profiles, browse 100M+ articles, and unlock powerful PR tools.
Start Your 7-Day Free Trial →X (formerly Twitter)
- Followers
- 21K
- Tweets
- 49K
- DMs Open
- Yes
Believe it or not, The Gene Pool / Invitational Edition begins at or about noon ET. We are taking rude questions, and will answer them. Send them here: https://t.co/Q6s4F7WWFV
In case you missed yesterday's Gene Pool onaconna the Fourth. https://t.co/4BflCNOEqn
It's hard for me to imagine having anything in common beyond the obvious -- a penis, say, or the biological need to eat and excrete -- with the imbeciles who take pleasure in detonating neighborhood fireworks endlessly into the night. Our dogs should just eat them tomorrow.
