Simon Kelner

Chief Executive of @sevendialspr. Columnist in @theipaper. Former editor of The Independent. All things Manchester City. And @swinton_lions

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Articles

I don’t care who comes to the Cotswolds - as long as property prices keep going up

2 days ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

I live in a small village in West Oxfordshire. It is technically on the edge of the Cotswolds, but that would be a distinction which no self-respecting estate agent would allow. The Cotswolds is a designated area of outstanding natural beauty which occupies some 800 square miles of landscape across five counties, so who’s going to quibble if our village, a short distance from the axis of Chipping Norton, is included in its general purview? Not me, certainly.
King Charles has an obligation to forgive Prince Harry

1 week ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Dear DeirdreI no longer speak to my 40-year-old son. He married an American woman, an actress, in 2018, and ever since then, relations have been difficult, up to the point that we don’t see them, or my two grandchildren, any more. They moved to California, which made things worse, as I always saw a role for him in the family business.
David Beckham’s showy 50th birthday celebrations betray the values he espouses

1 week ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

We now live in a world in which David Beckham is 50 years old. Hard to reconcile, I know, that the young man we can still clearly see in our mind’s eye precisely lobbing the ball into Wimbledon’s net from the halfway line, or shaven-headed, curling in a magnificent last-minute free kick against Greece to get England into the 2002 World Cup finals, is now at an age when he should get regular screening for bowel cancer. It would be hard to miss the fact that he has just passed this landmark.
Second homes are a privilege, not a right - their council tax should be doubled

2 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Last week I went on a golf trip with some friends to the East of Scotland. It was a magnificent few days in some of the most beautiful scenery on God’s Earth: the gorse was in dazzling yellow bloom, newly born calves tottered unsteadily in the fields, and, remarkably, the sun shone ceaselessly. We were very good tourists, contributing in no small amount to the local economy, but the peaceful landscape we encountered, and the hospitality we experienced, do not reflect the full story.
Jewish people are turning away from Israel - don't be surprised

2 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

In Philip Roth’s 1969 break-out novel, Portnoy’s Complaint, the eponymous protagonist, Alexander Portnoy, makes the observation that he only realised the English language could be used for something other than arguing when he spent Thanksgiving with his non-Jewish girlfriend’s family.
Boomers can't be trusted with group chats

3 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

My neighbour – let’s call him John – is in a WhatsApp group with several of his former colleagues and friends. Like most such group chats, they share observations on current affairs and sport, the occasional meme, and comments on the ephemera of the moment. Last week, someone started a thread on that day’s drudgery, and the group’s participants began to outdo each other for the banal nature of the task in which they were engaged.
My idea of Hell: being stuck in the pub with Nigel Farage

3 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Banter. The very word – and its 21st-century manifestation, “bantz” – strikes fear into my heart. Rather like encountering someone described as “a character” (who, you discover, is nothing more than a crashing bore), the invitation to “banter” offers the hope of a light-hearted chinwag in which gentle fun is poked, but more than likely is the exchange of vaguely offensive tropes that are smuggled into conversation under the guise of “don’t take it seriously – it’s just bantz”.
Golf still has an image problem - and not even Rory McIlroy can change that

1 month ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

As the light faded on a heady day in Georgia, Butch Harmon, the veteran golf coach and Sky Sports pundit, was musing on the unique individual challenge presented by golf. “You’re out there completely on your own,” he said. “It’s just you and a stationary little white ball. You alone can move it.
Oh good, something else for dog owners to worry about

1 month ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

An optimist sees the doughnut, but a pessimist sees the hole. So goes the old saying. Our dog, meanwhile, sees a shopping bag and imagines there’s a pack of chocolate croissants inside it. That’s because there once was and he devoured every one of them. He has always remembered this, despite conveniently forgetting that, 30 minutes later, he was in the vet’s having his stomach pumped. Our Lenny, you see, is an incurable, redoubtable optimist. He expects good things to occur, whatever the situation.
Pep Guardiola is right - abuse from football fans is taking a darker turn

1 month ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Just before kick-off at every Premier League game this past weekend, all players and officials went down on one knee to reiterate their commitment to “fight racism and all forms of discrimination”. It is a familiar sight, but no less significant for that. While today’s football grounds are not the rancid cauldron of racist chants and deplorable behaviour they once were, neither would you confuse going to, say, a Manchester derby with afternoon tea at a private member’s club.