Simon Kelner

Chief Executive of @sevendialspr. Columnist in @theipaper. Former editor of The Independent. All things Manchester City. And @swinton_lions

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Articles

Boomers can't be trusted with group chats

3 days ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

My neighbour – let’s call him John – is in a WhatsApp group with several of his former colleagues and friends. Like most such group chats, they share observations on current affairs and sport, the occasional meme, and comments on the ephemera of the moment. Last week, someone started a thread on that day’s drudgery, and the group’s participants began to outdo each other for the banal nature of the task in which they were engaged.
My idea of Hell: being stuck in the pub with Nigel Farage

6 days ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Banter. The very word – and its 21st-century manifestation, “bantz” – strikes fear into my heart. Rather like encountering someone described as “a character” (who, you discover, is nothing more than a crashing bore), the invitation to “banter” offers the hope of a light-hearted chinwag in which gentle fun is poked, but more than likely is the exchange of vaguely offensive tropes that are smuggled into conversation under the guise of “don’t take it seriously – it’s just bantz”.
Golf still has an image problem - and not even Rory McIlroy can change that

1 week ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

As the light faded on a heady day in Georgia, Butch Harmon, the veteran golf coach and Sky Sports pundit, was musing on the unique individual challenge presented by golf. “You’re out there completely on your own,” he said. “It’s just you and a stationary little white ball. You alone can move it.
Oh good, something else for dog owners to worry about

2 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

An optimist sees the doughnut, but a pessimist sees the hole. So goes the old saying. Our dog, meanwhile, sees a shopping bag and imagines there’s a pack of chocolate croissants inside it. That’s because there once was and he devoured every one of them. He has always remembered this, despite conveniently forgetting that, 30 minutes later, he was in the vet’s having his stomach pumped. Our Lenny, you see, is an incurable, redoubtable optimist. He expects good things to occur, whatever the situation.
Pep Guardiola is right - abuse from football fans is taking a darker turn

2 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Just before kick-off at every Premier League game this past weekend, all players and officials went down on one knee to reiterate their commitment to “fight racism and all forms of discrimination”. It is a familiar sight, but no less significant for that. While today’s football grounds are not the rancid cauldron of racist chants and deplorable behaviour they once were, neither would you confuse going to, say, a Manchester derby with afternoon tea at a private member’s club.
Good manners are vanishing- we're a poorer country without them

3 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

When surveying the obituary pages of newspapers, I often find myself shocked. Not that someone in the public eye had died, but that they were still alive in the first place. So it was with the same sense that I greeted the news that The Lady magazine, at the grand old age of 140, has reportedly breathed its last. Who knew that The Lady was still going?
Finally, young people are waking up to the joys of corporate jobs

3 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

Prior to the lockdown five years ago, I’d spent every day of my working life – nearly four decades of it – in an office. It was where friendships were forged, relationships made and where we would learn about life, as well as work. More than that, it was a routine. It was what my generation did on a daily basis. We didn’t just do work. We went to work. We know that the pandemic changed all that, particularly for younger workers.
The EU's survival handbag advice looks ridiculous - but they have a point

4 weeks ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

If you can’t wait for April Fool’s Day to be duped by an official piece of communication that turns out to be a joke, may I direct you today to a post on X by Hadja Lahbib, the European Union’s Commissioner for Equality, Preparedness and Crisis Management. Ms Lahbib presents a video in which she explains that the EU “is preparing its strategy to be sure that every citizen is safe in case of crisis”.
Free speech? Just look at Britain's latest cancel culture victim

1 month ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

“Doing the Right Thing helps us put our values in practice.” This standard piece of corporate-speak is what informs daily life at Severn Trent Water, according to its website, where, in a message to staff and investors, its chief executive, Liv Garfield, lists its business values as Taking Pride, Having Courage, Embracing Curiosity and Showing Care.
Parents, there's no excuse for not protecting your children online

1 month ago | inews.co.uk | Simon Kelner

The overwhelming feeling I had after watching the Netflix series Adolescence, the compelling story of a 13-year-old boy charged with the murder of a girl from his school, was one of unsettling ignorance. I’d been vaguely aware of the term “incel” (a portmanteau word that means involuntary celibate), but I couldn’t have told you anything about its usage, the culture that surrounds it, and the way it is indicative of some of the most harmful aspects of social media.